The Process
by rebel scamp
Summary: of finding love
1. Chapter 1

I don't really know how to start telling this story. I'm not even sure if it should be told. There's an aching in me to do something, write something, get this out and not look back. Just sitting here at my computer none of the words are coming out. None of the things I want to say will come out. They're trapped in my heart. By their own design or the design of my heart, I couldn't tell you, but there they are stuck. So imagine my frustration every morning and well into the night when I sit down at my laptop and watch the cursor blinking back at me. It's taunting me, daring me to be creative and I can't. My mind gets caught up in a whirlwind of yesterdays, they all jumble into one big pile of history and I can only stare.

A log has fallen over the dirt road of my heart. I daren't walk around it and I can't climb over it. It's far too intimidating for me. So I sit and stare. I want to type; however, I hypnotize myself into thinking of all of these lies.

I miss you.

I'm here to write, that's why they've hired me. So I sit here in the foothills of the Sierra Nevada and stare.

Pack my box with five dozen liquor jugs. Pack my box with five dozen liquor jugs. Pack my box with five dozen liquor jugs. And I will keep backing that damn box with five dozen liquor jugs until creativity springs forth and the words finally flow from my brain to my finger times. Pack my box with five dozen liquor jugs. Pack my box with five dozen liquor jugs. It's a funny thing how a totally ridiculous unassuming sentence can even make me think of you. Of you and all of these lies.

I miss you.

Pack my box with five liquor jugs, because that's what I'll need to wipe you from my mind right now. You and your long flowing ginger hair and those bright green eyes. They suck me in and I can hardly stand myself so I'll pack my box with five dozen liquor jugs and hope I can pull myself out of the current of memories I die to daily and all of these lies.

I miss you.

Marissa, my agent, said the publicist loved the story idea. She said she saw best seller all over it. Maybe even a movie deal. And I said I have to write it first. Truth be told I don't even think it's that good of an idea. If I were to really lay honesty out on the table I would have to say; this story scares the shit out of me. It's a thing that's been brewing in my heart for the better part of 6 years. It's gone though the ups and downs of stardom with me and it's seen my better days and the days I thought had left me for dead. This story fell in love with me and I fell in love with it and it watched me fall in love with you. And it watched my heart get broken time and again by you.

Pack my box with five liquor jugs; you don't even know what you've done. How could you? You've run off to your next victim like a vampire in the dark. There's nothing shiny about you. This is reality, cold-blooded, cruel live or die reality. I'm left in a heap on the floor; life force draining out of me and you're walking on to your next kill as if I never even mattered. Now I never cross your mind, and across my mind are all of these pains and all of these lies.

I miss you.

Pack my box with five liquor jugs. Pack my box with five liquor jugs. Pack my box with five liquor jugs. Pack my box with five liquor jugs. Pack my box with five-how am I ever going to make my deadline? I can't keep a single thought in my head. Not one, even the lies.

I miss you.

They come and they go like a wind. It starts with a thought but my body shuts down not wanting to remember anything about you, not your soft hands or your piercing eyes or your gentle kiss or the way you said forever. The way you said you'd be the one when I was ready. Lies, all of them.

I miss you.

Pack my box with five liquor jugs. My mind goes into hibernation mode long before the computer does. Boxes full of liquor jugs are the only thing keeping me in the here and now. How absurd is that? I'm not even a writer; I don't know why I'm doing this at all. I don't know why I even told Marissa about this story. I don't have the first iota.

Pack my box with five liquor jugs. Pack my box with five liquor jugs. I read some where that the best way to over come writers block is to just sit down at a computer and write, write, write, write, write. This is all well and good if the story wants to be written. But this story, my story, my six year treasure just won't be written. It won't come out, it's hiding from me. Maybe it's as afraid of me as I am of it.

Lies.

How can I sit and write, write, write if nothing comes out of my fingers? Ah well you already know the answer. Pack my box with five liquor jugs. I read an article about some woman, whose name I forget now, who is a popular writer, whose work I forget now. That would sit down every day and write for hours upon hours. Her friend or husband or who ever it was (shows how much attention I paid to the article) thought something like "wow, she's a really dedicated passionate writer and she's got so much to say." (This is a paraphrase.) But it turns out she would just sit down and write, "The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog", over and over and over for pages and pages and pages. And eventually the walls, like Jericho, came down. So, pack my box with five liquor jugs.

Walls come down. Fears fall. Words flow. Doorbell ring. Pack my box with five liquor jugs….Wait, did the doorbell just ring?

I welcome the distraction.

Lies.

Peppy, my chocolate lab, sniffs around my feet and I nearly fall trying to get to the door. I can't help but laugh though; he's too cute to be upset with.

"Why don't you calm down and let me open the door?" I ask. He woofs his happy response. I imagine he's glad I'm out of my chair, not half as glad as I am to be, though.

Lies.

I open the door to a rough and tumble blonde smiling up at me.

"Hi, I'm Spencer, I saw you just moved in and I wanted to bring you some pie."

"Hi, I'm Ashley. Um, thanks." I'm not entirely sure I want to let this girl in.

Lies.

She's covered in at least a weeks worth of mud. I didn't even know it rained around here lately.

Peppy barks, tail waggling with excitement.

"Hey there fella," she says pushing the pie into my hands and bending down to pet him.

"Peppy, his name is Peppy."

"Well, Peppy, aren't you just so cute."

"Yeah, so cute," I say.

"You oughtta bring him over to the farm and let him run around with my dogs.

Who is this girl?

Beautiful.

She looks up and smiles.

"Oh um, yeah, sure yeah we can come over some time. No problem." Wow, dork much?

She just smiles back at me. Wow, what a smile.

"So um, hope you enjoy the pie."

"You wanna come in and have some?" I blurt.

She thinks for a minutes then she smiles, "I'd love too," she says while walking in past me. I don't even notice the mud all over the clean floors.

Lies.

"Well, you've sure done a lot with this old place. Garret left this place in a right shambles all the time."

"Garret?"

"Great big slob," she said going back to my kitchen, "and the house always smelled like horses and beer."

"Oh," what's happening right now?

She pulls a few plates out of my cabinet and grabs a knife from the drawer. I'm a little scared.

Truth.

Spencer says, "I'm not surprised you didn't rearrange where things are kept, this is really the most obvious way to put stuff away, If you'll just put the pie down there I'll cut us up a couple slices. We could do with a big cup of milk too."

What the hell? "Um, Okay…."I put the pie down, trip over Peppy and grab the milk. "So, Spencer….." I had no idea what to say.

"Hey so, there are a few new leaves on the trees in my backyard. Isn't that exciting? Spring is so close I can already taste the mountain apples."

"Great," I said less than enthusiastic.

"You're not from these parts huh?"

"What gave that away?"

"Mountain apples right at spring's dawn are like heaven's gift to us."

"Swell," I chastised.

"You don't have to be a jerk," she said.

"Sorry I didn't mean to be. It's just that apples aren't really my favorite fruit."

"That's too bad," she said setting the pies on the table, "I brought apple pie."

I choked a bit on my first bite, this girl was quick. She smiled back at me and I smiled back at her and Peppy barked sleepily lying down on my feet.

"It's good," I cleared my throat.

"You don't have to lie."

"I'm not."

"You just said you don't like apples."

"I didn't say I don't like apple pie."

"That doesn't make any sense."

"Neither do I."

She laughed and I smiled. I haven't done that in a long time. Smile at someone's laugh.

"I know you." She said. I'm surprised it took this long, "You're in that band aren't you?"

"Yeah, I'm Ashley Davies"

"Oh, oh, yeah! No, that's not the band I was thinking about but yeah that's how I know you."

Talk about a blow to the ego.

"What are you doing up here," she continued. "Aren't big important rock stars busy or something?"

"I'm up here writing."

"You have to come to the mountains to write music?"

"Oh no, I'm not writing music, I'm here cause I'm meant to be writing as book."

"Really? That is so cool. Is it a tell-all memoir?"

"No, actually, it's a novel."

"Really?"

"Really, my agent suggested I come up here for the peace and quiet so I could get the first draft going."

"Oh hey that's a great idea. There's lots of peace and quiet in these parts, especially at this time of year. Good thing you didn't come in the middle of summer, it gets really loud here then."

Then? I'm thinking, it's pretty loud right now. She's pretty cute though so I let it go for now. "So what do you do, Spencer?"

"I raise horses."

An awkward laugh leaves my lips, "that's…cool."

"You're not afraid of horses are you?"

"What, me, no, why would you, never, nope, not afraid of horses."

"You sure about that?" She questions, Peppy gives a "liar" woof.

"Traitor," I say to him, "it's not so much that I'm afraid of them as it is that I'm afraid of them."

"Awe, Ashley, there's nothing to be scared of. They're just big puppies."

Peppy gives a woof.

"Stop that," I tell him. "Thanks for the pie. It really is good."

"Why, thank you," she smiled. "When you're ready to face your fear of horses just come on over to The Ranch."

"I'm not that scared."

"Sure, sure," she smiles. "Well at any rate bring Peppy over to play with the other pups and we could have a cup of coffee."

"Yeah, okay."

"Right well thanks for the milk and enjoy that pie," and with that she showed herself out.

"Peppy," I ask, "did that just happen?"

He woofs, rolling over for pats.

"Hey, wait a minute," I say jumping over him and running to the door, "she didn't say where she lives." I throw open the door and call to her retreating truck.

How am I supposed to find her again?


	2. Chapter 2

Pack my box with five dozen liquor jugs. Pack my box with five dozen liquor jugs. Pack my box with five dozen liquor jugs. This is useless. That blonde whirlwind of mud came traipsing into my house yesterday and has totally wrecked me. Now I can't stop thinking. About the way her nose wrinkles when she laughs and how bright her eyes are when she smiles and how I'll pack my box with….Okay you get the idea. I just want to type, hot blonde cowgirls. Hot blonde cowgirls. But that's definitely not helping the creativity get unblocked cause all I'm thinking about then is hot blonde cowgirls, and their long legs and luscious lips. The pitch of their laughs.

Oh this is just hopeless. I don't even know her last name. How am I ever going to find her? I know myself well enough to know that there's no way I can sit here and try to write this book with her on the back of my mind. If I don't meet her again and at least figure out what her last name is there's no way I'll be able to work at all. I'll just be here writing. Sexy blonde cowgirls with rope.

See! It's getting worse. I have to get out of here and go try to meet her.

"Peppy," I call, "let's go find that blonde."

He woofs, and nearly makes me fall down the front steps.

"Good Morning Mrs. Darcy!" I say to the little old lady that lives next door. She's a bit hard of hearing, but a very good cook.

"Good Morning Paisley," she answers.

No, I still have no idea why she thinks my name is Paisley. I've told her a thousand times its Ashley. "Hey, Mrs. Darcy, do you know a girl called Spencer?"

"No, I don't need a soap dispenser."

"Spencer! Spencer, a girl, her name is Spencer."

"Oh Spencer, yes sweet girl, takes care of the horses."

"What's her last name."

"Garland."

"Like…Judy?"

"Not Trudy, Spencer."

I roll my eyes, "Thanks, Mrs. Darcy,"

"Any time, Paisley. Come round for dinner some time."

I run back to the house, Peppy at my heals, "Let's find this girl, boy." Grabbing the phone book I jump on to the couch and flip my little fingers furiously through the G's.. And just my luck. No listed Garlands.

"Sexy blonde cowgirls with rope. Sexy blonde cowgirls with rope." I chant. Peppy barks up at me. I say "just trying to motivate myself. This is actually quite exciting. I haven't been this excited about a girl in a long time. Three years maybe."

"Now that can't be true, you and that redhead just broke up.

I scream.

She laughs.

"Spencer! Give me a freaking heart attack. How did you even get in?"

"The front door was open. Mrs. Darcy said you were looking for me. Is that right, Paisley?"

I laugh, still calming myself down, "maybe I was and maybe I was. Little hard though when you're not listed in the phone book."

"Yes I am," she says flipping back to the C's.

"So, hey why are you just randomly at my house."

"Needed to come back for that pan, I forgot I borrowed it from my mama."

"And you expected me to have eaten an entire pan of pie in one night? CARLIN? Your name is Carlin?" No wonder I couldn't find it.

"You city people always get this excited about simple things?"

"No, just some miss information from my half deaf neighbor."

"That Mrs. Darcy, she's a sweetheart，huh?"

"That she is," I say going to the kitchen. "I guess I can put that pie into a bowl or pan or something to keep it. You wanna have a slice with me?"

She thinks, what seems like very hard, almost painfully so, then says, "I'll have a small slice." I start dishing it up and she grabs some milk. "Not too much though, I'm meeting my girlfriend for lunch."

"Ow, Shit!"

"What? What?" She says running over."

"I cut my finger," tears form in my eyes and I get a little woozy.

"What did you do that for?"

Cutting my eyes over to her I say, "I didn't do it on purpose."

She grabs a towel to stop the bleeding, "wow，you city folks."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Oh，nothing."

"Spill."

"You just about cut your finger off slicing up pie, what do you think I'm going to say?"

"It was an accident," I cry, "I don't like pain, and I don't like blood.

"Well, then, you shouldn't have cut your finger."

"Thank you Captain Obvious：Protector of the Already Known." I yelp out in pain as she finally stop the bleeding, "Ouch, Spencer."

"Well, Paisley, do you want me to help you or not."

I can't help but laugh, this girl is really funny. She's beautiful, kind, legs that go on for days.

"Ashley?"

"Yeah, help sorry, I was thinking."

"Is that what they call it these days?

"Shut up, Garland."

"What?" She asks while pulling out bandages I didn't even know I owned.

"Mrs. Darcy, told me your name was Spencer Garland."

She laughed that cute little laugh, I leaned toward her knowing that I just have to be near her. I have to get to know her. I must spend time with this bombshell of a girl. Even if I have to ride a horse I must find out more about Spencer.

"There you go," she said putting the Band-Aid on. "Sorry I can't stay for the pie though, can't be late, girls hate that kinda thing，ya know."

"Yeah, I know." I halfheartedly smile. "Hey could I come around for horse riding lessons later?"

"Yeah sure, just come round to The Ranch," she bounds out the door and down to her truck.

"Hey wait," I call, "where is the ranch." But it's too late, I'm shouting to her license plate.

"Well, Peppy, that sure tripped me up,"

He barks sympathetically.

"I don't know why though, she is beautiful, I should have known she wouldn't be single."

He gives a series of woofs, grunts and growls.

"Hey but at least she plays for our team."

He gives an indignant bark.

"Okay, sorry, didn't mean to imply that you played on a team."

"Woof."

"Well, come on then back inside for work."

Peppy growls.

"I don't want to either, but I have to."

I decide to give Peppy some food before sitting down to write. Then naturally I had to sweep the kitchen. I mean there was still caked off mud from Spencer's dramatic entrance last night. Of course after that I needed to wash up all the dishes and wipe away the crumbs from the pie that had fallen all over the table. Then the laundry just had to be done. I put it on then made a cup of tea. Earl Grey is meant to be really good for concentration, or was that Jasmine? Maybe it was peppermint? Oolong? No it was chamomile, wasn't it? I don't know. At any rate, I don't have any of those teas here so I think I'll go out to get some.

"Peppy, lets go for a walk," I call. He gives me a look that says, 'aren't you forgetting something?' "I know I'll work later come on lets go." We get out to the car and he gladly hops in the passenger side. That's when I remember: the tea is still boiling. I run inside turn it off and notice a pair of gloves sitting on the front table. "Peppy are these yours?" I ask climbing back in the car. He's looking rather cross at me for having left him out there so I give him some pats and toss the gloves in the back.

As soon as we pull up to the grocery mart, it occurs to me that we should have just walked. I forget how close I am to the town. Everything here seems to be about five minutes apart at the absolute maximum. I've made friends with the store owner's son, his name is Aiden. He's a little bit full of himself, but he was the only company I had that I didn't have to shout at until last night.

"Ash, what's up?"

"Not much just decided I needed to come out for some tea. Need something to relax me so I can work."

"Didn't you just buy a box of tea yesterday?" He says looking up at me from Peppy. He really likes Aiden, I'm not sure why.

"Yeah, but I want something that's going to relax me, get me back in the right frame of mind. Something like chamomile or peppermint."

"Hate to break it to you, Ash, but all tea is relaxing."

"Whatever, just point me towards the tea."

"What's wrong with her?" He asks Peppy, who grumbles in response.

"My head's just 90 to nothing today and I need release."

"You know what usually helps me get release."

I shutter to think, "Do I even want to ask?"

"A nice horse ride through the mountains."

Well, there we are again, back to sexy blonde cowgirls with rope.

"My friend Spencer runs the Ranch I'm sure she'd be willing to lend you a horse."

"Okay, first of all, I don't do horses, and secondly, what's the name of the ranch. She told me this morning to come by the ranch for a ride but she didn't tell me what it was called."

"You met Spencer?"

"Yeah she brought me a pie for moving in or something."

"I bet she brought you a pie."

I tilt my head confusedly, what does that mean 'I bet she brought you a pie.' I decided I should ask. "So what's the name of her ranch?" Is what I said instead.

"That is the name of it. The. Ranch."

"Not much for creativity, are they?"

"So how many pages have you written in your book?"

"None, yet."

"Well, seems like, neither are you."

"Har-de-har-har."

"Woof," Peppy is getting irritated at all the standing around not paying attention to him.

"Sorry," Aiden says bending down again. "So what's it gonna be Ash, more tea you're not gonna drink or a horse ride?"

Okay on one hand, I really don't like horses, and never have since that time in third grade when my best friend Madison convinced me to feed her stallion, Juan, a sugar cube. Unbeknownst to me, Juan hated sugar. It wasn't until his teeth where half way through my hand, Madison was laughing like crazy, and I was blacking out from the pain did I learn this information. I've been off horses since.

"Ashley," Aiden said with a bit of irritation, "Yes or no. It's not that difficult."

"Sorry, am I keeping you from something?"

He rolls his eyes at me, "City slicker, if you're afraid of a little horse I can get you some tea instead."

"There is nothing wrong with city people, Country Mouse." I've had just about enough of the city bashing as I can take. I don't care if it is their way of showing their affection.

"I never said their was," he laughs, "just make a decision the days not getting younger."

"What are you talking about?"

"Okay, I don't know what they teach you in those big fancy city schools, but here in the country we learn that the sun rises in the east and sets in the west. And once its set, things like horse riding have to wait until tomorrow. So what's it going to be?"

He's just a smartass, but I love him anyway. "Take me to the Ranch."


	3. Chapter 3

I spent the entire ride over, (all 7 minutes, we got caught by the traffic light) dodging Peppy's spit. I think the main reason he likes Aiden is because he keeps the windows rolled down in the truck.. I suppose I can deal with some slobber if it makes Peppy happy.

"Aiden," a husky voice calls, "is that your new girlfriend."

"Pssha, as if," I say before I realize I've even opened my mouth.

"Oh, feisty," he replies.

"Cut it out Glenn," Aiden finally chimes in, "This is my friend Ashley, she's from the city."

"Oh, one of those people."

"What is you guys problem?"

The pair of them laugh.

"What?" I ask, getting pissed off.

"You take yourself too seriously," the curly blonde says.

"Yeah, Ash, it was just a joke. Lighten up."

I want to tell them to shove a big stick where the sun don't shine, but just then a familiar engine pulls in to the drive way. For a moment my heart stops beating.

No, really, my heart literally stopped beating for a minute. Okay maybe it was just a second, but when my brain started working again I jumped right in to Aidens' arms.

"That's the clutch Maria!" I heard Spencer yell, "This is why you never drive my truck. I've told you a thousand times the left one is the clutch the middle one is the break and you nearly ran over Ashley!"

"Ashley? Who the hell is Ashley?"

I actively stopped listening to what was surely a lover's quarrel.

"Oh great," Glenn said, "Bumble's here."

"Bumble?" I ask.

"Spencer's girlfriend," Aiden said.

"Yeah she's just like a bee, can't keep a straight line always falling over and around and into things and annoying and-"

"Ashley are you okay?" Spencer said running over to me.

"Yeah I think so," I said.

"She's fine," Maria said walking up behind her. I had to actively keep my jaw from dropping. She was another sexy blonde cowgirl, with short pixie hair and legs that went for days.

"You could have killed her, Maria," Glenn said, "you need to watch what you're doing. And you need to stop letting her drive the truck. We can't keep replacing the clutch."

"You mind your own business," Maria spat, "Spencer is teaching me and it's all going to be okay, Right Pookey."

I pretty sure I threw up in my mouth a little.

"I don't get what she sees in her," I heard Glenn mumble as he walked back into the stables.

"Ashley are you sure you're okay?" Spencer asked.

"Yeah," I said. "Where's Peppy?" I turn to Aiden.

"He was just right here."

"Peppy?" I called, "Peppy?" I was near panic now. Spencer dropped to her knees to see if he was under the truck. "Peppy!" I started running around the yard looking for him.

"He's not here," I heard Spencer say, and relief ran over me.

"Peppy!"

"Woof," he finally said, running from around the back tongue wagging and two other mutts in tow.

"You scared the crap outta me," I said giving him a massive hug. He just licked my face and ran off with his new friends.

A tap on my back stopped my heart for the second time, "Sorry about Maria, she can be a little bitchy when she's driving."

"When she's driving?" I heard Aiden mutter.

"It's okay Spencer," I assured her, "I'm okay, Peppy's okay, its all okay." It wasn't okay. Not even a little bit okay. But it would be. I told myself I would be because I had only just met this girl. It's not like we had years of history behind us. Or that I even had the right to be upset that she wasn't single. But I was. There was just something about Spencer that fascinated me.

"Spencer!" Maria shrieked. I'm starting to understand why the boys don't like her.

"What?" Spencer asked, clearly agitated.

"You're just going to walk off from me to talk to another girl?"

Who the hell is this girl? Why is she getting so jealous of Spencer making sure I'm okay after she nearly killed me?

Spencer took her by the hand and walked off. I just sat there, watching Peppy frolic with his new friends and wondering what the hell I thought I was doing coming here to go _horse_ riding, with an involved girl. Maybe I just needed a friend too. And I decided that would be okay. I have always been known to run way ahead of myself. After all I have hardly known Spencer for two days I shouldn't be thinking about dating her regardless of her being single or not. I mean her smile is so sweet, and her hips are so curvy and her lips are so beautiful and full and red and she—

"Ashley? Are you sure you're okay?" Spencer asked.

I have got to stop daydreaming.

"She's okay," Aiden said. "But she did say she wanted to go for a ride through the mountains."

"Really? She said that, because this morning she told me she didn't like horses?"

I blushed. And I know I blushed because Aiden said, "I didn't think it was possible for a country girl to make the rockstar blush!" Then of course I blushed more.

"Oh come off it Aiden," Spencer said, "leave the girl alone. It's not her fault they don't make them like me in the city."

That of course made me blush more, "what is this? Team up on Ashley day? Isn't it enough you're girlfriend nearly killed me?"

"Yeah you're right," Spencer said, "come on let's go get you a horse."

"Already?" I stammer.

"Spencer," Maria says poutily, "I have to go to the city in five minutes and you're just going to go off on a horse."

This is getting old. Why is this girl being such a…girl? And why is Spencer just jumping at whatever she says? She's losing serious cool points here, even if her butt looks really cute in those jeans.

"Give it up," Glenn says from me bind me.

"Huh?" I ask.

"They've been doing this for two years. Maria says jump Spencer says how high. So whatever you're thinking just give it up now. Save yourself the heartache."

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

"Sure you don't," he smiles.

"What does she see in her? She's so, pushy and bossy and….ugh."

"She must be good in bed," he says.

My stomach knots up, I really don't like that. Seriously, one day and my stomach knots up, really? I mean really?

"Just let it go," he says again.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Uh huh."

"So they've been together for two years?"

"Yeah, hey aren't you with that redhead anyway? Don't come in here making trouble in our little town."

"What? No wait, what? I am not here to write a book. Not hook up with the locals."

"Rock stars' can string that many words together?"

"Oh shut up."

"If you're here to write a book why are you going on a ride?"

"I just needed a break from work."

"I hear that, I always need a break from work."

"Please," Spencer says walking over, "you have to work to need a break from work."

"Hey I work," he protests.

"Barely," she says, "You ready to go pick a horse, Ashley?"

"As ready as I'll ever be," I say.

"Okay great. We'll see you later Glenn."

He head back to the barn and I follow Spencer to the stable. I'm at a loss of what to say. This girl makes me tongue tied. I never thought that was possible. I never met a girl who just made all my thoughts jumble like this. Well, not before she'd crumbled my heart at any rate. I'm usually full of lines. I really, well, there's just nothing.

"Are you okay, Ashley?"

"Huh?"

"I asked you a question."

"Oh, um, can you ask again?"

She laughs, "your heads some where up in the clouds. She must have been some girl."

"What?" I blush.

"The redheaded one, what's her name?"

"Voldermort."

She laughs again and I smile, "Don't talk about her then?"

"Not if I can help it."

"When did you two break up?"

"Two months ago officially, not that we were officially a couple."

"What?"

"We never actually said we were dating, it was just common knowledge."

"Weren't you together for three years?"

"Yeah."

"How can you be together for three years but not be together?"

"It was just, understood."

"So you dated other people?"

"No."

"Okay, things move a bit slow out here, let me see if I've got this right. You didn't date any one else for three years, you two weren't a couple, but you spent all your time together and now you're broken up, even though you were never officially together?"

"Yeah that's right"

"That is so stupid."

"Excuse me?"

"How can you date someone and not date them."

"Not into labels."

Spencer shakes her head and thrusts a saddle in my arms, "that makes no sense."

Crumpling under it I say, "it's a lot heavier than I thought it would be."

"Dating?"

"No, the saddle."

She smiles, motioning me over to the horses. I try very, very hard not to have a panic attack.. "This is Mason," she says, "he's really good with new riders."

Mason gives me a big nudge with his nose. "He likes me," I say.

"Stop that," Spencer says, giving him a pat.

"What?" I ask.

"It's a sign of disrespect and he knows it."

"Well," I say, swallowing my fear, "at least he's honest."

"Ah, don't worry you'll be alright," she says as she gets the horses ready.

"So you and Maria have been together a while?"

"About a year and a half," she answers.

"Glenn said it was two years."

"Well, we had six months of that unofficial crap you were talking about."

"You playing hard to get?"

"Wasn't me," she says bringing over a stool for me to climb up on. "I knew what I wanted. She was taking her sweet time, not wanting to be tied down she said."

"How'd you get her then?" I asked.

"I tied her down."

Sorry I asked.


	4. Chapter 4

I ache all over. I ache, I'm sore, I'm grumpy and I just want to be alone. I just want to lay here in the hot tub and stare at the back of my eyelids. I want to lay here and not think about anything, not think about you or her or the mountain of work I've not done or the mountain I just fell down. Okay maybe I wasn't falling, some might call it riding, but I may as well have fallen down it for as sore as I am right now. I don't even want to think about how bad it will be tomorrow. I think I might just sit in here until I am as wrinkly as a prune. If I never hear the word 'horse' again in my life I will be happy.

This on the other hand, sitting here, in the mountains, far from car horns, far from distraction is pure bliss. Nothing but the sounds of crickets and light jazz playing as the bubbles hit parts of my body I didn't know could be sore. A nice bottle of wine keeping me company. No barking, at least not tonight, Peppy is staying with his new friends on the farm over night. It's just me. I think I like that. I can be okay with that. Just me is a nice concept I wish I had thought of before. Just me and the mountain air on a nice peaceful night.

"So it's true," she says.

My body goes rigid at the sound of her voice. I can't believe my ears. I don't want to believe them. Eyes, don't betray me, don't open, don't look. Tongue, be silent, don't speak. Body, don't move just lay, lay in the rush of hot water.

"You have moved to the mountains," she continues. "It's….rustic."

"What do you want?"

"I wanted to see you."

"It's over between us."

"There was never anything going between us to end."

"Just go back home."

"No," she says and I can hear her clothes hit the floor.

"Please," I beg, "don't."

"Ash, what's wrong?"

"We're over. Everything about us is over. I don't want you in my life any more. I don't want to be your friend or have to see you or have to talk to you or even know that you exist."

"Well, that'll be hard, because I definitely do exist," she says climbing into the hot tub with me.

"Red," I start, body clinching."

I can hear the smile in her voice, "you know you're not over us, or you wouldn't call me Red."

Her hand massages my calf and I moan.

"See you still want me."

"I don't," I say, but I don't do anything to stop her. She's massaging my feet and it feels so good.

"How'd you find me?"

"Marissa told me."

She's fired.

"Please, stop," I say.

"If you really want me to stop then make me."

But I don't. Because It feels good and it feels right and there's so much history here I want with all of my head to get up and get out. But all of my body is paralyzed and most of my heart is gushing. I can't let this happen, not again. I have to stick to my guns this time. A thousand times I've tried to walk away from her and a thousand times she's hypnotized me.

I don't blame her, I blame me. Me for this right now, for letting her in the tub. For not locking the doors. For letting her hands move further up my legs.

"Ash, I brought the movies and pizza."

For forgetting Spencer was coming over.

"Ash," Red says, "who is calling you Ash?"

I jump out of the hot tub, grab a robe and turn to Red, "We're over, you've been screwing around on me and I know it. You told me you found someone new, some one you wanted to date some one that made you happy. You ended it. Why are you back here? No, don't answer that, just put your clothes on and get the hell out of here. I don't ever want to see your face again."

"Ash?"

I slip on the kitchen floor as I run to find Spencer.

"Lucky for you I have quick reflexes," Spencer says.

"I have a problem," I say.

"Are you okay?" A look of worry crosses her face. "Did something happen?"

"Red, she's here, I don't know how she found me, but she's here, in the hot tub."

"Oh," Spencer says a little let down, "we can do movies another night."

"No!" I say a little too quickly. "No that's not the problem."

"Well, what is the problem?"

"Yeah, Ash, what is the problem?" Red asks from behind me.

I close my eyes, willing myself not to turn around and see her. Why am I so addicted to her? I know if I see her I'll be lost. If I look in those green eyes I will drown. Why is this so hard? I'm so conflicted. I hate her and what she's done to me but I love her still. I still love her, damn it why do I still love her. Big flaming mess of lies and lust that she is.

"I think you being here is her problem," Spencer says.

"Just who do you think you are?"

"I'm the owner of this house, and if you don't leave I'll have you arrested for trespassing."

"Whatever, this is Ashley's place."

"No, it's my place, she's renting it from me. Get out."

"I want to hear her say it."

I can't. I can't say that. I can't even look at her and she knows it. She knows that I turn to putty anytime she's around. I hate that. I want my power back.

"You don't need to hear her say it," Spencer says. That's when I hear the cock of a gun, "you just need to listen to me."

Now I can't open my eyes, because I don't want to be a witness in a court of law. I hear Red squeal.

"Things between us aren't over yet Ashley. You'll come back to me, you always do."

"Not this time," I mutter. It's to late though she's already gone.

Spencer starts laughing.

I turn on her and shout, "what is your problem? You can't solve anything with a gun."

"Relax," she says pointing it in my face and shooting, "it's just water."

I groan, laughing as I wipe my face dry, "seriously?"

"Seriously," she laughs, "never thought I'd meet two famous people in one week."

"Bet you never thought you'd be holding one of them at gun point."

"Never thought I'd see one of them naked either."

"What?" I say shocked, "she was naked when she came in here?"

"No, but you've seem to have lost your robe."

I could die a thousand deaths right now. I scramble to get my robe back on.

"Wow, you city girls really do blush a lot."

"Oh come off it Spencer. Like you wouldn't blush if this was turned around."

"Yeah, prolly would. I thought you said things were over between the two of you."

"They are."

"But you were in the hot tub together."

"Not by choice."

"How do you accidentally end up in a hot tub together?"

I sigh and walk into the living room. "Because I'm weak, I'm weak and I can't say no and I'm addicted to her. She's like cocaine."

"Yeah, she's got powder for brains that's for sure."

I can't help myself, I laugh.

"You have a nice laugh," she says as she sits down across from me.

"I haven't in a really long time, so I'm glad you can make me."

"If things with her were so bad—"

"I don't know," I say before she can finish. "I just don't know. I would ask myself that all the time. These three years I don't know if there wasn't a day that I didn't ask myself that. I don't know why I kept going back to her. I don't know why I never just ended it. I don't know why I acted the way I did. Maybe I was just lonely. Maybe she was just there. But really, she's my cocaine."

"I hope you weren't stuffing her up your nose."

I laugh again, "Spencer, you really are funny."

"I'm glad you think so."

"What'd you mean?"

"Maria isn't such a big fan of my brand of humor."

"That's a shame, cause you really are funny."

"Thanks," she says, "do you want to talk or do you want the movie?"

"You know what I want more than anything?"

"A chocolate milkshake."

I laugh again, "that would be real nice."

She gets up and heads to the kitchen, I follow. "What do you want more than anything?" She asks.

"To be over this. To really be over it. Really be over her. To not forget everything about our relationship at the sight of her. I really want to not fall back into the same patterns the same routines when she comes around. I want the parts of me I gave to her back."

"Sounds like regret."

"Some times I think maybe I do regret these three years."

"You can't regret. Regret is a form of holding on. If you regret your time togetheryou'll never be free of her."

"That's what I want. To be free."

"So be free."

"It's not that easy."

"Why not?"

"You think you would be saying that if you and Maria broke up?"

She took a few minutes to think about that. She dipped the ice cream, poured the milk and started up the blinder. I just stood there in agony. Not because I was afraid of her answer, and what feelings I might be developing, but because I want to know the secret of erasing three years. I wanted to know if it could be done, but a down to earth, warm and friendly person. I wanted to know if letting go and being free could be achieved by anything more than a monster, or if being a soul-sucking menace was a pre-requisite. I wanted to know if it was alright for me to try to do what Red had done.

Then I wanted to know why the hell Red had showed up here way in the mountains anyway. Why is she just messing with me? I've spent the last two months fighting so hard to take back what I stupidly gave to her in the first place. My power. Myself, my right to be happy, I wrapped it all up in Red. She threw it away like yesterdays fish wrapper. Can it really be easy to get myself back? Or will the burden of the truth be too much for me to bare?

"I don't think breaking up with Maria would be something that would set me back much," she hands me my milkshake and takes hers back to the living room. I stare after her wondering if she said what I think I heard just now. "Ash are you coming or what?"

I nearly run back into the living room, "what'd you mean you don't think breaking up with Maria would be something that would set you back much?"

"I mean, we've only dated for a year and a half. Sure I really like her, and yeah I pursued it. But that doesn't mean I can see myself marrying her. Would I be upset? Yeah, maybe, but I don't think she's cocaine."

"Why are you still with her if you don't want to marry her?"

"That's a good question."

It was a good question, and it required a good answer. Or any answer, but I didn't get one. She reached over and turned on the movie, threw a blanket over us and we cuddled for a while, but she never answered me.


	5. Chapter 5

Pack my box with five dozen liquor jugs. Pack my box with five dozen liquor jugs. Pack my box with five dozen liquor jugs. Pack my box with give dozen liquor jugs. Did Spencer really just say she's thinking about breaking up with Maria? Is that really what she said? Pack my box- I mean cause if that's what she said then-Pack my box- you know what I think I have to admit I have a friend crush on her. Or maybe it's a crush crush. Great now that song by that American Idol guy is stuck in my head. I hate popular music. It's so boring. Everything should be totally punk rock. Or at least have soul, heart, feeling of any kind. Pack my lunch and go down the the Ranch for the afternoon? That could be a good idea.

You know what's probably not a good idea? Writing this book. I should stick to what I know. At least music just flows. One thing flows to the next, but this novel idea I mean it goes and goes and the words fly out then, bam, brick wall. I'm not a big fan of it. I think maybe I should back out of doing it. If it wasn't for that one section of the plot. If it just had…..a plot. Then I think maybe I could do it.

Why am I so afraid of this?

I just feel like this whole plot idea is greater than me. The characters are greater than me. My experiences are lacking in comparison to this story. I want it to be a good story. I want it to be a great story. I just wonder if the story is greater than me.

I have about thirty pages written so far (that's including all of the "pack my box with five dozen liquor jugs"). So that's a good start, right? I mean if you factor in I've only been working on everything for three days then I guess that's really good. About ten pages a day is a pretty good average (unless half of them say "pack my box with five dozen liquor jugs"). I really need to focus myself better. I came up here to write this, not meet the girl next door. I came up here to pound out a first draft not learn how to ride a horse. I came out here to figure out what the plot of this story was not to figure out my feelings and emotions. I came out here to blaze a new trail, not bury the past. I came out here to escape crazy girls, not get swept under by one. Not that Spencer is crazy,but she is a girl.

I think I would hang off every word she said if she let me. I think she could be heroin. And I can't let that happen. I can't get addicted to her. I'm here for me. I came out here for me. I'm out here for me. I'm here to do something I want to do, not upgrade my habit. I have to learn how to control myself I have to learn how to have boundaries.

She's just so damn cute.

And taken.

I have to remember that she is not single.

May be that's just what I need myself, to be single for a while. I mean I guess I was technically single the last three years. But if I'm really going to be honest in my heart Red was my girl. I wanted that and I treated it that way the entire time. Even if she didn't.

This is all too much for my head to hold. I feel like this book is my arch enemy. Not because it's fighting me right now, but because I'm fighting it. Because I'm having to spend hours a day in front of a computer, thinking.

Thinking.

Thinking.

Why would anyone ever encourage someone to think. It is painful. All the things I want and can't have, all the things I wanted and didn't have, all the things I tried for, got then lost (or tried for got and realized I never wanted) just play over and again. All I'm trying to do is think of a plot for this story.

Thinking is painful.

Or is that remembering?

I wish Red hadn't come here yesterday. I wish Spencer hadn't fallen a sleep on my couch. Getting to days obligatory paragraph would be so much easier. I wouldn't be thinking about the not so bad times with Red, or how sweet Spencer's shampoo is.

What is wrong with me?

I just want myself back.

I just want to be free.

I just want the torrent in my chest to break.

I just want the activity of my brain to stop.

I just want people to stop knocking on my door.

"Hello, Hans and Franz," I say opening the door.

"Who're Hanz and Franz," Glenn asks.

"Don't you watch Saturday Night Live?" I ask.

"Yeah," Aiden says, "In this millennium."

"How can I help you guys?"

"We just wanted to bring Peppy back," Aiden says handing him to me.

I put him down and say, "thanks. You didn't have to though I was going to come back and get him this afternoon."

"What Aiden meant to say was we just wanted an excuse to get away from WWIII," Glenn said making himself at home in my kitchen.

"World War III?"

"Maria and Spencer," Aiden said nonchalantly.

"Do they fight a lot?"

"Do eagles have wings?" Glenn asked.

"Why do they stay together then?" I asked.

"Told you, the sex must be good," Glenn said.

"Ugh, dude," I say, "don't be crass."

"Well,"Aiden chimed in, "what else would explain it?

"Please guys," I protest.

"I think Ash has a thing for Spenc,"Aiden said.

"I do not!"

"Oh I think you do," Glenn teased.

Peppy woofed in agreement.

"Traitor," I said. "Anyway, she wouldn't be up for going out with some one right after breaking up. I've been broken up for two months and I'm not ready to date."

"You might not be ready," Aiden said, "but you're sure into her."

Tires screeched to a halt on the gravel road out side and we all heard a long muffled yell. I jumped and rain to the front door.

"It's just Spencer," Glenn called from the couch.

I started to run out to see if she was okay,but when I saw the beating she was giving to hear dashboard I thought better of it. I believe it's safe to say that that "maybe" is actually a definitely". I know exactly how she feels. I spent a good many hours beating up innocent inanimate objects that first week.

"Go on out there," Aiden says behind me.

"Are you crazy?" I ask.

"She might hurt her hands," he says, "and if her hands are hurt she can't caress you."

"Oh shut it," I say shoving him back into the house. I watch for a long while from the safety of the porch until finally she gets out of the truck. "Did it do something wrong?"

She laughs, oh thank you thank you, she laughed.

"Take a walk with me?" She asks.

"Sure," I say and try my best not to run out to meet her.

We head out the back and down to the river. I don't think I knew there was a river behind the house, but I guess that explains the frogs every night. I keep a safe distance with my hands in my pocket and just wait for her to talk. Based on my experience it's better to let the grieving party, just do what ever it is they're going to do when ever they decide to do it. That helps with the process.

We walk along the winding path until we get to a pond. It's a nice little pond with a couple of ducks in it. I love ducks. I'm not sure why but I think they're cute. They way they waddle around and quack. It's just endearing.

"I don't understand why she just can't let me have friend," Spencer finally blurts. "I never say anything about the people she hangs out with. I just let her live her life and have friends and an existence a part from me, why can't she just let me have that?"

"What happened?"

"She came over early this morning to surprise me and I wasn't there."

"Oh," my heart sinks a little, I guess I was hoping they'd broken up.

Selfish, I know.

"She was so pissed off that I'd fallen asleep at your place and refused to believe nothing happened. I mean come on, what would happen any way?"

"Right, what would happen," I ask despondently.

"We've known each other for what three days? Why would I be carrying on with someone I've only known for three days."

"Exactly."

"Not to mention you're still in the throws of recovery. Rebound relationships never last."

"Right."

"And she's my girlfriend. Why does she keep forgetting that?"

"Beats me."

"I've never once given her a reason to think I would ever be unfaithful. Why does she always do this when I hang out with my friends."

"Maybe she's being unfaithful," I say before I can really think about it.

Spencer turns and looks at me. I can honestly say for a second their I thought she was going to hit me, but she laughed pulled off her clothes and jumped into the pond. I let her do that one all by herself. Who knows what's in that mush? And how cold is it out here anyway? I stand there watching her swim thinking about all the things that are greater than me. All the thing beyond my control. All the things I could say but won't, should have said but didn't, need to say but can't bring myself too. I watch her swim. Swim until her arms give out. Then I sit with her on the bank of the pond watching the ducks peck at flies on the water.


	6. Chapter 6

I have given up.

Given up completely on this book.

Today, anyway.

I'm just sitting here with my guitar.

I feel like a fish in water.

This is what creativity is.

Not locked away behind a computer screen all day, having your ass handed to you by a cursor.

This could be a good time to write a new album.

It could be my first acoustic.

I have plenty material to pull from right now.

Lots of good stuff could come from this.

Of course it would all be angsty and heart-breaky.

That's so cliché.

Cliché's exist for a reason though right?

Because they're true.

They're real.

The trick is to make it honest.

How can I honestly talk about heartbreak, love deferred, unrequited longing and not sound like every other heartbroken romantic to pluck the six string?

Who knows?

Maybe it's not possible.

Maybe it's not real.

But you know what is real?

Medicine.

The medicine of steel on my skin and the gentle hum it makes under my fingers. I love music. I love how freeing it is. It clears my mind like nothing else can. This is what I was born to do.

So why am I still trying to write a book?

"Hey, Ash," a sweet voice calls.

I turn to see who it is cause I didn't quite catch it. It's Spencer. She called me Ash.

It's Spencer.

She called me Ash.

"Hey."

"I went out to the house this morning but you weren't there. Mrs. Darcy said you went down to pay bond. She said you told her that losing it soothes the mole."

"I love Mrs. Darcy," I laughed.

"I figured out that "pay bond" really meant the pond, but I don't know what she meant by losing it soothes the mole."

"Music soothes the soul," I say holding up my guitar.

"Ah," she said sitting down next to me, "that explains it."

I play the melody of the song I've been writing.

She picks the flowers and plucks out their petals.

"Why's your mole need soothing," she asks.

"Been a long winter."

"Maybe it's time to come out of hibernation?

"I think I need to go into hibernation."

"Nah, don't do that. We'd really miss your pretty face around here."

I try really hard not to get excited about the fact that she just called me pretty. That's probably just a nice thing they say around here no matter what you look like.

"Well, if I do hibernate this will be the place. I've felt a lot better since I left the city."

"Ah so you admit the country is by far the greatest."

"I didn't say that," I laugh.

"I don't know if you like coffee but I brought out a thermos anyway."

"I'd love some coffee," I say smiling at her. Her eyes are just so blue.

"How do you take it?"

Crystal like the ocean. Clear and deep. Piercing.

"Ash!"

"What?" I say snapping from my day dream.

"Where do you go, when you do that?"

"Do what?"

"Daydream."

"I don't daydream."

"Yes you do," she laughs, "all the time."

Flushed with embarrassment I apologize and tell her I'll take my coffee black. This girl is just so fascinating to me. I really just turn to jelly when she's around. It's not so much that I'm daydreaming as it is that I'm just captivated by how beautiful she is.

Oh shit.

I've become one of _those _girls.

"Ashley!"

"Yes?

"What are you thinking about?"

"Nothin," I mumble blushing.

"You're a terrible liar."

Which isn't true. I'm actually a really great liar. She just weakens my defenses.

I take a deep breath and say, "black, I take it black."

She pours me a cup and we sit in silence for what feels like an eternity. I start thinking about how I really want to get to know her better. I want to go out with her and do thing. Take a walk, or go bowling or anything really that doesn't involve horses. And ask her what her favorite book is and what kind of movies she loves and what's the happiest she's ever been and where has she travelled and where does she want to go. Ask her what she wants to do with the rest of her life and get to know what foods she hates. I want to ask her where she went to high school and what classes she loved and which teachers she hated and why. I want to know every stupid unimportant detail about her and every profound and beautiful thought she has. I want to build a friendship with a strong foundation, and I want to water it so that it grows into love. I smile remembering her stripping down to her undies and diving into the pond yesterday. I decide she's got the right idea. Just jump in and swim.

So I take a deep breath and say, "Maria doesn't mind you being out here with me?"

Idiot.

"She went out of town again this morning," she answers.

"So she doesn't know?"

"I'm not hiding it if that's what you're getting at."

"No, just making conversation."

"I'd tell her if she stayed in town long enough to ask me anything."

"She's in town long enough to bitch at you about everything."

She cuts her eyes over at me and I realize maybe I just stepped over a line so I apologize.

"What's it like being on the road?"

Now I cut my eyes over at her, "it depends on where we are and who's on the crew, but its always a blast."

"What was your favorite trip."

"Rome, 2010."

"How come?"

"I was in freaking Rome!"

Spencer laughs and moves closer to me. "I've always wanted to go to Europe."

"You can be on my next tour."

"What would I do?"

"You've got a lot of experience taming wild animals right?"

"Right."

"Then you should have no problems breaking the crew."

I love it when she laughs. I love that I can make her laugh and I love that she always laughs from the bottoms of her feet. It always fills the atmosphere and makes everything happy.

"What would I do with the Ranch?"

"You could get Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum to look after it."

"Have you met Aiden and Glenn?"

"Yeah, hence the names," I joke, "don't worry about that, I'll hire some one to fill in for you."

"Ash, you can't do that."

"Sure I can,"

"You hardly know me you can't just do that."

"I can and I will," I say with defiance, "besides we've not even started working on our new album so by the time we're having our next European tour we will be really good friends."

"Well, okay, I'll think about it then."

"Then, you will have no problems saying yes."

"You're very sure of yourself."

"Have to be sure of something."

"Have you gotten more done on your book?"

I groan.

"Take that as a no?"

"No I haven't even thought about it. Today, anyway."

"Well what gives?"

"Nothing."

"What's the hold up?"

"Every good story known to man has one thing."

"Yeah what's that?"

"A plot."

"Guess what my story doesn't have?"

"A plot?"

"Correct."

"Awe it can't be that bad if you've already got an agent and a publisher telling you to write it."

"Yeah I wonder how much of that is the story idea being good and how much of that is I'm Ashley Daives."

"I'm sure the story is really good. Hey you still haven't told me what it's about."

"That's because I still don't know what it's about myself."

"Oh come on you have to know something about it."

"Okay, um, there's a girl and she goes backpacking, then there's a climax and a bunch of stuff happens and at the end, there's an ending."

Spencer chokes on her coffee trying not to laugh.

"Well, I haven't worked out the finer details yet."

"Have you worked out any of the details?"

"That's why I wonder what the true motivation is behind having me write this book."

"If they're pushing you to do it there must be more to it than you're telling me."

"Yeah, probably."

"So tell me."

"I don't really want to talk about it. I told myself today would be a novel free day."

"Well, if that's what you want. You can just tell me about it later."

"Okay."

Excitedly she says, "oh can I be the first to read it? Please let me read the first draft please, please."

Overwhelmed I say, "how much coffee have you had?"

"I just love reading, and I love your music, so a book by you I think would be just fantastic."

Boy do I hope she's right.


	7. Chapter 7

**_For Charlee and noodles_**

* * *

><p>Fallin'.<p>

Yes I am fallin;.

And she keeps callin me back again.

Why, yes, as a matter of fact I do have a bunch of Beatles love songs stuck in my head. Why you ask? I've just spent my entire last week hanging out with Spencer. It has been fantastic. We went fishing (she baited my hook), we rode dirt bikes, hiked up the mountain, had a picnic by a waterfall, bowled, roller bladeded and baked a cake for her father's birthday.

I even managed to get five chapters written. I didn't need to pack my box with five liquor jugs either. The words they've just started flowing like honey from a pot. Seems like all I needed was a muse, and Spence is the best muse in the history of muses.

I look forward to writing! Can you believe that? The words they go and go and they just don't stop.

And you know what the best part is? I have a date with Spencer tonight.

Okay, it's not a date in the tradition sense. But it's going to be just the two of us. She's going to cook dinner for me at her place and we're going to do some painting. I am so psyched about this I can hardly contain myself. She just makes me happy. She's becoming the best friend I have ever had.

"Hey Ash,"

"Holy crap!" I shout, "Spencer you have got to stop doing that! I know you own the house but geeze give me some warning."

"Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you. What are you doing?"

"I was just finishing up this chapter of the story."

"Oh can I read it?"

"No, it's not ready. I'm not even done with it yet."

"Okay, sorry," she smiled, "Oh, oh, oh."

"What?"

"My phone is vibrating," she said, "excuse me a minute."

"Okay," I say. I love that she just drops over. She brings such a positive energy with her that just leaks all over and makes me so happy.

"I don't care!" Spencer shouts.

This can't be good.

"Maria I don't care, you're not even in town. I can hang out with whom ever I want to and do whatever I want to do, you're not the boss of me."

You tell her Spencer. Peppy runs into the kitchen, obviously he doesn't like Spencer shouting any more than I do. "Hey buddy, you want a treat." He wags his tail and gives a woof.

"NO! It's not. Being my girlfriend doesn't mean you own me. I don't tell you you can't go off for two weeks with your friends to Las Vagas do I? Then you can't tell me not to hang out with Ashley!"

"Oh boy," I say bending down to feed the dog, "this does not sound like it's going to be pleasant."

"Okay well, then maybe I don't want a girlfriend any more."

"What?"

"Woof?"

"You heard me. I'm tired of you never being around and trying to control me. I'm not dealing with it any more this is over."

"Peppy, Peppy, come on lets go outside, quick."

But we are too slow, Spencer growls as she comes back into the kitchen tossing her phone on the table, "I am so over all this. I just can't any more. We're done."

I just stand there watching her, I mean, what do you do when you're a bystander at a head on collision.

"I am my own person and I'll be my own person. And I'll be my own single person!"

I watch her pace.

"And she had the audacity to accuse me of cheating on her! Who the hell does she think I am? I'm tired of trying to make this relationship work. I'm tired of fighting and being bullied and manipulated and left behind. I'm not doing it any more. If she thinks she can change my mind she's got another thing coming."

Is it safe to talk?

"I mean really."

Maybe if I don't move she'll forget I'm here.

"Will you just say something!"

I jump, "you're right you deserve to have the freedom to make friends and do stuff, or whatever."

"Thank you!"

She's pacing again so I sit down and watch her, I'm really out of my depth right now. I mean I've been the dumper and dumpee but I've never been around when some one elses relationship collapsed. I don't really know what to do.

"I mean it's like shes not even been apart of this relationship for the last six months anyway. Like she's been looking for any other person to spend her time with. Any other thing to do that wasn't be with me and when she was with me she'd pick fights. I hate fighting!"

"Me too!"

It seemed like the right thing to say.

"Come on lets go!"

"Where are we going?"

"Out!"

"Okay."

She heads out the front door to her truck and I put Peppy back in his pen outside. When I get around to the front I see her sitting in the truck, fuming. More angry than I believe I have ever seen another person. I'm thinking, maybe I should drive.

"Hey, Spence, you want me to drive?"

"Get in!"

You don't have to tell me twice.


	8. Chapter 8

"Come on, Spence," I say putting her arm over my shoulder and helping her out to the truck.

"Thanks, Ash, you're a swell pal," is the slurred response.

This is going to be a fun rest of the night… "Give me the keys,"

"Can you drive a stick?"

"I can tonight," I say taking them from her.

"Don't wreck my truck."

"Well, I figure me driving is the best way to ensure that." I close the door behind her and head around to the drivers seat. I can't believe I'm really about to drive a manual.

"Don't wreck my truck," she says as I get in.

"Spencer," I say, "put your seat belt on."

She does and I start the engine. If I were the praying kind this would be the time for that. So I hold down the clutch and put it into gear and try to get us going, unsuccessfully. We shut off and she laughs like a hyena. If she wasn't so cute I'd be irritated. I try again and finally get us going.

"Hey Ash?"

"Yes?"

"You're a great friend."

"Thanks."

"Hey Ash?"

"Yes?"

"You're a really good dancer."

"Not to shabby yourself there Spencer."

She grins dorkily, "Hey Ash,"

"Yes?"

"Thanks for tonight I've really enjoyed it."

"You're welcome."

"Hey, Ash?"

"Yes?"

"You can go faster than fifteen miles an hour."

"Not if you don't want me to blow up your engine."

"The hardest part is over, just gear up."

"Fifteen is my limit baby."

Giggles erupt from the passenger seat. I cut my eyes toward her. I love her laugh, but she's been giggly drunk laughing all night and it's been immediately followed by a Hulk style outburst.

"Take me to your house," she says laying her head in my lap.

I open and close my mouth a few times. Fifteen is the absolute limit now. I manage to croak out, "alright."

I have forgotten the way. Seriously, I have no clue which way I need to turn at this red light. I don't think I've actually been here before. Her head in my lap isn't making it easy to think either.

"Spencer," I whisper. "Spence, Spence!"

A horn honks behind me and I decide to go left, right no left.

"Spence, you've taken me some place I've never been before. You've got to get up. Spence, you've got to show me the way. Spencer!"

She pops her head up at the sound of a siren, "turn those lights off," she moans, "they're making me sick.

"Oh great," I say pulling over to the shoulder.

"License and registration," he says.

"I'm sorry officer was I speeding?"

"You were going 15 miles an hour."

"Better safe than sorry," I say handing him my stuff.

"Have you been drinking tonight Ms. Davies?"

"No officer I haven't."

"Are you sure about that?"

"I'm sure."

"Well you were weaving all over the road."

"Well," I begin,

"Dicky!" Spencer shouts, "Dicky Parson!"

"Spencer? Is that you?"

"Dicky!" She hops out of the truck and runs around to hug him. "I'm so happy to see you Dicky."

"It's Rich now,"

"Wow, it's been what? 7 years?"

"Yeah, time flies huh," he says with a boyish smile.

She gives him another big hug and I feel something akin to jealousy rise up in me.

"Look at you," she says, "man of the uniform. Badge and everything."

"Why, thank ya," he says, "oh, Spencer, did you leave any alcohol in the bar?"

She laughs. A different laugh, not the giggly one, not the cute one; it's flirty.

I don't like this.

"Of course I did," Spencer says leaning into him. "Oh Dicky, I'm so glad to see you."

Oh Dicky, I am not.

"Well, what's got you in this right state? You and your friend here out on the town?"

"You could say that," Spencer smiles.

Dicky cuts his eyes over at me as if to say 'that's what I thought.'

"Ashley here is driving me around so I can drink my blues away."

Looking back at her he says, "what've you got to feel blue over?"

"Just broke up with my girl."

"Maria?"

"How do you know about Maria?"

"I may not live in town anymore, but word still gets around. You know my grandma."

"Boy do I. She must ring the ranch five times a day looking for gossip."

"Well, I'm sure sorry to hear that you broke up with your little lady. Between you and me, you can do so much better than Maria."

She giggles and leans into him.

I feel like I may go Hulk.

"Well, is there any particular reason you're all over the road Ms. Davies," he asks.

"Just call her Ashley," Spencer says.

No, he can call me Ms. Davies.

"I was just trying to figure out where we are. Spencer drove us in, I've never been here before and I'm not too sure how to get us back home."

She giggles again.

I didn't think it was possible but I'm starting to not like that giggle.

"Oh well, let me be your guide."

"Are you sure?" I ask.

"It'd be my pleasure," he says smiling at Spencer.

Giggling she says, "my hero."

And what am I chopped liver?

She gives him another big hug and says, "just don't go too fast she's not a confident driver."

"Hey! I am a very confident driver; I'm just new at a manual."

"City girl, huh?" He asks.

Spencer nods giggling. He helps her back in the truck, goes back to his patrol car and pulls out ahead of us. I follow, successfully and manage to get into second gear.

"So, Dicky?"

"Yeah we dated in high school."

I stall.

Well, not me, the truck.

"Ow, crap," Spencer says grabbing her head.

"Sorry, sorry," I mumble restarting the engine. "Put your seat belt on."

"Yeah don't worry about it, I'm all over it."

"I'm new at a manual," I say just a little bit angrier than I probably should have.

"It's alright, I'll teach you tomorrow."

"Swell."

Dicky gets us to the city line and pulls over to ask if I know the way from here. I tell him I do and thank him for getting us back. Spencer has fallen asleep against the passenger door, so he asks me to tell her good night for him. I say I will and watch him head back to whence we came.

I look over at her, sleeping there, like an angel, and I wonder why the hell did I just get so jealous? I like her, a whole lot I know that but I don't know if I want to date her. At any rate she just became single. The post break up drinking binge isn't even over yet. And he was a boy. Why am I all jealous over a boy?

They hadn't even seen each other in 7 years and I've only known her for two weeks. They're old friends, old flames. Grr.

I can hear Peppy barking from the back yard, I bet he is really pissed at me. I shut off the truck and put the parking break on.

"Spencer?" I shake her arm a little, trying to wake her up. "Hey Spencer, we're home. Spence?"

She makes noises so I know she's still alive over there. I decide to walk around and open her door for her. "Hey Spence, we're home so lets get you inside."

She gurgles at me.

I undo her seatbelt, pull her out of the truck and make a very slow and purposed walk to the house. She's way heavier than she looks.

"Spencer, I need you to walk up the stairs, can you wake up enough to walk?"

"Okay,"

"Great," I say standing her up and helping her up the stairs.

It takes a few minutes but we make it in and back to the bedroom. I lay her on the bed and tell her I just need to check on Peppy, and that I'll be right back and that she can help herself to my clothes.

"Hey boy," I say opening the door to his pen. He walks past me with out so much as a sniff and into the house. "I couldn't help it she needed me." I say after him.

He's unimpressed. He camps out at his food bowl, officially on strike for the evening.

"Hey, Spence, I'm sorry that took so long,"

She's laying, half dressed on the bed.

I flush. I think maybe I should turn around. "Um Spencer, here let me get you some boxers."

"Thanks," she mumbles.

"Oh you're awake?"

"Kind of"

"Here," I say tossing her a pair of shorts.

"Thanks."

"I'm just going to go change."

"Hey Ash?"

"Yeah?" I call from the bathroom.

"Really, thanks a lot for being here for me tonight."

"No problem."

"I'm glad I have a friend like you."

"Well, I'm glad to be a friend," I say walking back into the bedroom.

She smiles up at me and says, "can we go to sleep now?"

"Sure," I say climbing under the covers.

"Ash?"

"Yeah Spence,"

"Do you like cuddling?"

"I love cuddling."

"Will you cuddle me?"

"Of course," I put my arm under her and pull her into my chest.

She puts her hand on my stomach and says, "I'm glad you're writing a book."

"Why's that?"

"If you weren't I wouldn't have met you."

"That's probably true."

"Of course it's true. Thanks."

"For?"

"Writing a book."

"You're welcome?"

"And for picking our town, and for renting my house, and for convincing me to break up with Maria."

"Wait, what?"

She leans up on her arm to look down at me. "Thank you, Ashley for just being you." She leans down and brushes her lips against mine. It's soft and sweet but it makes my blood boil. My heart beats wildly in my chest. I kiss her back with fire and passion. I kiss her with all that I have. She rolls on to her back. I go with her and discover she's fallen asleep.

What. The. Hell.


	9. Chapter 9

It's raining. Which is a good thing, I guess. I've managed to get four more chapters written. This story is really starting to come alive. I feel so good about this story and the plot is really starting to move. The heroine's journey is really taking off and she's starting to learn so much about herself and life. I didn't think this would actually work, but I really, really like it. A lot.

The only thing I don't like about the rain is that I haven't seen Spencer once since it started. I guess a lot has to be done on the ranch. I'm not sure what, but that's what has kept her away. Well that and I don't do rain. I don't like driving in it, especially on these hills and curves. That's nearly driving me insane. I guess that's the reason I've been writing so much, it keeps me distracted.

I don't think she remembers kissing me.

That's another thing I need distraction from.

That kiss.

It was electric. I've never had a kiss like that before. And she doesn't even seem to remember doing it. I want to bring it up, but I'm not really sure how to. What if it was just a friendly thing? What if she didn't mean to kiss me it was just a drunken impulse? What if she really likes me and wants to do it again?

I'm not sure how I feel about our first kiss being a drunken one. Maybe it's better if she doesn't remember doing it.

May be.

Hopefully.

Potentially?

Not a chance.

I have to talk to her about it. Not knowing is making me crazy. Not knowing is driving a wedge between us. Not knowing is making it impossible to think about her with out aching. Not knowing is about the worst feeling you can have. I have to know.

I pick up my phone and ring the ranch.

"Hello," Spencer says.

I throw the phone down.

What the hell. When did I become shy? When did I become a coward? What has this blue-eyed country girl done to me?

The phone rings. Once I've caught my breath from the initial scare I answer, "Hello?"

"Ash, did you just call me?" Spencer says.

"What? No I'm busy writing."

"Are you sure about that?"

"Um, yeah?"

"Cause you know we have caller id, right?"

"Oh, right, yeah I did call."

"Why'd you hang up?"

"Oh um, there was a thing and stuff and I had to yeah."

"Are you alright?"

"Fine," I croak out.

"I feel like I haven't seen you in days."

"Well, you haven't."

"The rains should stop soon and we won't have to work so much around the ranch. Hey why don't you come over?"

"Oh, I'm on a roll with my writing." Ack why did I say that?

"Oh, okay, I don't want to disrupt the artist flow."

"Yeah, I just finished up chapter 22."

"Wow, you really are getting a lot done. How much more is left in the story?"

"Oh maybe 12 chapters."

"Ash, that's awesome."

"Just because I'm nearly done writing it doesn't mean it's any good though."

"Oh come on, I thought we dealt with this self-abuse thing already."

"I'm just trying to be honest."

"How about you try to be positive?"

"I can do that."

"What are you doing for lunch?"

"I figured I'd make a sandwich."

"Why don't you come over to the ranch and have a real meal with me?"

"It's raining."

"It's been raining for four days."

"I know."

"You haven't left the house in four days?"

"Nope."

"I'll be right there," she says and she hangs up.

Peppy starts barking and jumping with me. I'm so excited she's coming over! I've really missed her this week. Oh crap, I look terrible! I run to the bedroom to find something to wear. Maybe something blue to match her eyes? Hm, but I don't really like the way this shirt looks on me. I toss it to the bed. Red is a good color, it's happy and bright and will cancel out all the doom and gloom of this weather. Oh but maybe this shirt is a bit to forward. I toss it on the bed. Pink? No, that's far too girlie. How about yellow? No that'll make me look like a school bus. Black?

"You always go through your whole wardrobe when friends are coming over."

"Dammit! Spencer you have got to stop doing that!"

"Sorry, Ash," she laughs, "I didn't think you'd mind if I just ran in."

"I don't mind but you scared the crap out of me."

"Where the red one," she says.

"You like it?"

"I love it."

"Okay I'll wear the red one," I say and change quickly, "How did you get here so fast?"

"It's only a five minute drive."

"But it's raining cat's and dogs out there."

"It's only rain."

"We're staying in."

"What? Ash come on be serious."

"I've ridden with you when it's not rain, and if you're going to drive the same way when it is raining, we're staying in."

"No," she said grabbing my hand and dragging me through the house. "You've got to get outta here. Four days is far too long to be cooped up in a place."

"Spencer!" I squeal, "umbrella!"

"Umbrella's are for wimps," she says as we run through the rain to her truck.

I jump in the truck laughing, "Spencer you're crazy."

"Meh, you love me anyway."

"Yeah, I do." I do, it's true. I really love spending time with her.

"So the rain is the only reason I've not seen you in four days."

"What'd you mean?"

"You've not come to the ranch because of the rain?"

"You've not come to see me."

"Because of the ranch."

"Why's that exactly"

"Mudslides and the like. The rain is easing off now so we're not too worried any more."

"That's why you came to get me?"

"I came to get you because you've not left your house in four days. Who does that? Seriously."

"It doesn't rain much where I'm from."

"Oh you're one of those people."

"One of what people?" I don't think I like where this is going.

"One of those people who shut down when something they're not used to starts happening."

"Oh come on, it's been pouring rain. And I'm not use to these curves."

We slide into the drive way of the Ranch. I mean we literally slide, sideways, for a good ten feet.

"I think I need to change my pants," I pant.

Spencer laughs at me, "As soon as the rain's over I'll take you mud bogging."

"No."

"Oh come on, Ash, it's so much fun."

"No."

She pouts at me.

"Don't do that, that's not fighting fair."

"I just don't want you to miss out on an awesome experience."

"I just want to have awesome experiences when the summers over."

"It's not that dangerous."

"It's driving around like a maniac on muddy roads."

"I know! It's so much fun you're gonna love it," and with that she bounds out of the truck and into the barn. This girl is killing me slowly.


	10. Chapter 10

There's a rainbow out this morning. It's absolutely stunning. The air is crisp and clean. The roads are muddy. I am buckled up and holding on for dear life in the passenger's seat of Spencer's truck.

"Open your eyes you're missing all the fun!"

"No, I think it's that I'm keeping my breakfast in my stomach."

"It's not that bad," she laughs and I feel the truck going into 360s.

"Spencer, Spencer, Spencer," I'm not sure if I'm laughing or crying.

"Ashley, Ashley, Ashley."

I scream as I feel the truck slide, "please don't kill me."

I hear her put it into gear and we're off again. I know it may not seem like it but I am actually having fun. The only part I don't really like is when she decides to slam the breaks and make a sharp turn. I hit my head on the window. "Spencer geeze!"

"Move to the middle and you won't hit your head so much."

"There's no seat belt in the middle."

"Yeah there is," she holds up the lap belt for me to see.

"You're crazy, that won't hold me in."

"I didn't know you were such a big baby."

"I didn't know you were certifiably insane."

She makes a figure 8 in the field and I flop back and forth from left to right. Just as I start to feel like I'm going to be sick we straighten out.

"We're done?"

"Nope," she says, and I don't like the tone of voice she's using, or how fast we're accelerating.

"Spencer, what are we doing?"

"Heading to Boggy Branch."

"What? Why?''

"It's got the best mud hole in the county."

"Spencer please can we go home please."

"No way, and miss all this fun?"

We hit a pot hole. I bounce, hitting my head on the roof, "this is not fun for me."

She just laughs and hits every hole on the way to the branch. It's nice to see her having such a good time, especially after the other night, but seriously, there has to be a safer way to have this much fun. Out of nowhere she slams on the breaks. I fly forward; get caught the seatbelt and am thrown backwards.

"Spencer! Are you trying to give me whiplash?"

She revs the engine.

"Spencer."

She revs it again, eyes focused.

That is one giant mud puddle.

"Spencer," I say almost pleading.

She revs the engine once more.

"Spencer!"

She guns it. We are flying toward certain death. We fish tail along the road every time she switches gears. This is not good. This is not good. This will not be good. I'm going to die right here in the middle of nowhere with this beautiful girl by my side. She doesn't even know that I like her. She doesn't even know we've kissed. I'm going to a watery grave in the foothills of California and she's never going to know.

We go airborne.

"Do you remember kissing me?" I blurt.

We plow into the water.

The engine stalls.

I'm alive!

I'm alive!

I'm alive!

I'm dead. That look she's giving me right now has killed me. I'm dead. I should have kept my big mouth shut. Oh crap and now I'm stuck here in a pool of mud and she's just giving me that look.

Speak.

Speak woman.

For the love of all that is good in this world open your mouth and say anything!

"Water's leaking in."

Idiot!

You can't drop a bomb like that on her then tell her what she already knows!

She's just looking at me!

Why is she just looking at me?

Say something Carlin, say anything at all. Open your mouth and speak to me!

"Yes, it is," she says.

Okay, well at least she's talking….right?

I'm caught in her stare oh those damn blue eyes, why are they so tasty!

"Should we move?"

Idiot!

Since when did I become the Queen of Stupid?

"I thought you were ignoring it."

Oh yes! She's talking. "What? Why?"

"It's been four days, Ash."

"I didn't think you remembered."

I remembered. Did I ever remember. Those lips that flavor, the way her hair smelled as she laid on my chest. Who could ever forget that?

"Ashley?"

"What? Yes no sorry, huh?"

"Why do you daydream so much?"

And the words spew out, "it's because of you. It's because of how awesome you are. Because of how friendly you are. You're amazing, and sweet and beautiful. You're not like anyone I've ever met before. You have such a life force and when you walk into the room I stop breathing. When you look at me those eyes, those beautiful blue eyes, they make me forget how to function. And it's crazy I know. I know how crazy it is we've known each other a month. But I'm smitten. I'm absolutely taken by you. You're the star of my daydreams. And this rambling dialogue of what to say to you plays over and over in my head like a radio play. But you weren't single, and I was still heartbroken so all I could do was dream. Then you were single. Then you were drunk. Then you kissed me. And I didn't know if it was because you liked me or if it was because you were lonely or if it was because you were drunk and I was there and it was just a kiss. One kiss that's all it was. And you fell asleep. I didn't know how to tell you, you kissed me. I didn't know how serious you were about ending things with Maria. But mostly I just couldn't drive in the rain!"

My heart is pounding in my ears. Ears that cannot believe they just heard my mouth say all that. My stupid mouth that can't hold water. My stupid heart for having these feelings. My stupid head for meditating on all this. My, god, what a kiss.

Her lips are even softer than I remember them. They taste like honey. Soft, delicious honey.

"So what do you think now?" She asks pulling away, but not too far.

"Why do your lips taste like honey?"

Idiot!

She laughs at me and settles back behind the wheel.

"Sorry," I say sheepishly, "I'm not usually a dweeb."

"I think it's cute."

Well, thank goodness for that.

"Ash?"

"Hm?"

"You're daydreaming again."

"Sorry, I just you and the kissing and I can't make with the thinking."

"So you liked it?"

"Very much."

"Would you like to do it again?"

"Very much."

She leans over and sweeps those soft honey lips on mine. If this were a movie fireworks would be going off over our heads. I cup her cheek and move a little closer. She shivers.

"Good, hey?"

"No, I'm shivering from the water," she smiles, "but yes, it was a good kiss."

"Well, let's get out of here and get dry so we can do it some more."

"Sounds like a plan to me," she says and cranks the truck. The tires spin but we don't go anywhere.

"What's wrong?"

"We're stuck," she says as she puts it in reverse. The tires spin and we jolt back into our hole.

"What do you mean we're stuck?"

She puts on the overdrive and tries to climb out of the hole again. "I mean, we're stuck."

"We can't get out?" I say a little panicked.

"That's what stuck means," she says trying to back out.

"We're stuck, stuck?"

"Yes, Ash, we're stuck."

"What are we going to do?"

"Well, I'm going to keep trying to get us out of this hole."

"But what if you can't"

"I'll call Glenn."

"And he'll be able to get us out."

"You're cute when you freak out; did any one ever tell you that?"

"This isn't funny, we're stuck."

"Ash, it's not like our plane has crashed in the middle of Antarctica."

"Will you stop joking?"

"Only if you stop being so serious, learn to have a bit of fun."

"But this is not fun."

"Being stuck in a truck, with me, isn't fun?"

I blush, "how do you do that!"

"Do what?"

"Make me blush so easily."

"I have no idea. I didn't think it was possible for a rock star to blush as much as you do."

I unhook my belt and move over closer to her. "Should we call Glenn?"

She smiles at me and I melt. "We could do that."

I hand her my phone and she rings him, "Hey, yeah we're having a blast. Only one problem though. Yup. Boggy Branch. Twenty minutes? Why in the world is it going to take you twenty minutes to get here? Oh….oh she is? Really? Well that's just wonderful. No, no don't you dare! Twenty minutes. Okay. I don't know, we'll manage some how." She closes the phone and leans into me. "Now, where were we?"


	11. Chapter 11

"You have the most beautiful eyes I have ever seen."

"You're one to talk."

"Yeah but have you seen your eyes?"

"Occasionally, in the mirror."

"So then you know what I'm talking about."

"They are nothing compared to your eyes. Trust me on that one."

"I feel like I could just get lost in them."

"You lost me a long time ago."

"You can both lose me now," a deep voice from behind me says. The pair of us scream.

"Glenn, you ass hat," Spencer says, "you don't just walk up and scare people like that."

"Now you know how I feel," I tell her.

"So what's this then?" Glenn asks.

"Mind your own business," she says.

"How'd you get stuck in this hole?"

"Long story," I say.

"I've got the time," he tells me.

"Will you just pull us out Glenn!" She's even cute when she's irritated.

"Okay, okay I'm going," He hooks something to the front of Spencer's truck before he walks back to his own. The do this weird combination of hand gestures and suddenly I'm wondering if I should have gotten out of the truck for this part. I close my eyes and jump back into my seat belt. It's only a matter of minutes though and we're free from the hole. Spencer cranks the car and drives up to Glenn.

"Thanks, brother, I owe you one."

"Don't thank me just yet," he says. I can only assume he's talking about whatever she was surprised about when she talked to him on the phone before.

"We're going back to Ashley's to shower and change."

"You can't run from her Spencer."

"I'm not trying to; we just need to get clean."

"A likely story," he says, "as if there are no showers at your place."

"Just tell her we'll be there in an hour or two."

"An hour or two? You two already moved to bedroom romping."

I choke. I'm not sure on what, but I choke. The idea hadn't crossed my mind, yet.

"Ass," she says, "just cover for us we'll be there." She peals down the road, fishtailing as we go.

"Um, Spence," I say.

"Yeah?"

"Where will we be going?"

"To have dinner with my mother."

I think my heart just stopped again, "meet, meet your mother?"

"Yeah, apparently she just got in town this afternoon."

"You're taking me to meet your mother?"

"Yeah we're going to have dinner at the steakhouse in the city."

"I'm going to meet your mother?"

"Yup, and maybe Dad too."

"You're dad."

"Yes."

"Meeting your parents?"

"Ashley, are you okay?"

"You're taking me to have your parents for dinner?"

"Oh my gosh," Spencer laughs hysterically, "you're afraid of meeting my parents! That is classic!"

"Why are you laughing at me? We've only just met and you're taking me to meet your parents!"

"We did not only just meet. We've known each other for months. We've only just kissed."

"Exactly!"

"Ash, they're not gonna know we kissed each other, it's not like I'm going to introduce you as my girlfriend or anything."

"You're not?" Oh. Wow that hurt a little bit. Why did that hurt a little bit? She's right we're not a couple. We've not even been on an actual date. Wow, Ash what's going on with you?

"Ashley you're doing it again."

"Doing what?"

"Thinking."

"That's a bad thing?"

"It is when you don't tell me what you've thought."

"Oh," I don't think I should let her in on that train of thought. I could seriously derail this whole operation. Operation? What am I now on Grey's Anatomy? What the hell is wrong with me.

"Ash!"

"You turn me to mush, Carlin!"

She laughs as she pulls into the front yard, "I take pride in the mush I've made."

"Anyway, you never asked me if I wanted to go to dinner with you," I say desperately seeking Peppy. He can save me from this.

"Woof,"

"Peppy!" I bend down to give him pats, "thank goodness you're here. Did you miss me?"

"Don't think the pooch is going to save you Davies."

"Spencer, I don't do well with parents! Parents scare me."

"Not my parents their great."

"But it's been a while since you've seen them right?"

"Yeah a few months."

"See, so you guys really just need alone time with them, catch up see what's going on in each others lives, tell them you broke up with that girl."

"Maria? Yeah they already know that."

"What?"

"Just because I it's been months since I've seen them doesn't mean I don't ever talk to them. They know about you too. My dad is really excited to meet you. Oddly enough he loves your records."

"Really? He loves my records?"

"My mom likes them too. When I turned 22 she bought us tickets to see one of your shows."

"Oh my goodness. They're not just parents, they're fans! Peppy this is worse than I thought!"

Spencer laughs at me, " you. I just can't get over you. You are ridiculous amounts of cute."

"You're not funny!"

"I'm not trying to be, it's just the truth. Now come on, go shower, get ready for dinner."

I give her a pout hoping that will get me out of this, but she just turns and goes to the shower in the guest room. "Bring me something to wear?"

This is not good.

I pour some food into Peppy's bowl then head to the bathroom. Maybe I can disappear in the shower. I toss my muddy clothes into the hamper and turn on the water to as hot as I can stand it. Maybe if I'm really quiet she'll forget I'm here. I really, truly don't like meeting parents. This really feels like rushing to me. I don't want to rush. I want to take it slow. Slow and steady wins the race, or something like that.

The water feels good running across my skin. I love taking hot showers after a long hard day. Not that I did hard work today, but I really did take a beating out in that truck. It really was a lot of fun though. It probably didn't seem like I liked it, but I really did. I was just scared. Some things are just not meant to go that fast. And I in a tin can am one of those things.

She sure is a good driver though isn't she? She had the time of her life doing it too. She should be a stock car driver; I imagine she'd be really good at it. She could be the first woman NASCAR driver. Are their woman NASCAR drivers? I have no idea. I've never thought about it before. She'd be a great one though; she really knows how to handle those curves.

"Ashley?"

I scream, "Spencer you've got to stop doing that!"

"I didn't come in this time."

"You still scared the crap out of me!"

"Well hurry up, we don't want to be late."

"This part of we doesn't want to go!"

"Awe come on, Ash, do it for me?"

Damn her and her cuteness! "Okay, just let me finish in the shower."

"You've been in there for thirty minutes you know. I had to help myself to some clothes."

"Oh, right I was supposed to bring you some,"

"We have to get you out of the daydreaming thing."

"Hey Spence," I give it one last try.

"Yes Ash?"

"You know I really just had a burst of creativity I should stay home and work on my novel."

"You did?"

"Yes."

"Really?" She doesn't sound convinced, this isn't looking good for me.

"Yeah?"

"Tell me about it?"

"Well, if I do that then, you won't be surprised when you read the first draft."

"You are so full of it."

"Spence," I whine, "I don't like meeting parents."

"You like spending time with me though don't you?"

Grr, evil, evil woman.

"I'll be in the living room with Peppy when you're ready to go."


	12. Chapter 12

"So, Ashley, tell us what brought you out here?" Arthur asks with a smile.

"Silence, I'm here to write a book and I needed some where peaceful to do that."

"And you're getting that around this bunch," Paula asks.

"Not really," I joke.

"Hey! I've not heard you complaining," Spencer says.

"Oh I'm not complaining. Actually, I've gotten a lot more done since I met these two than I had before."

"See we're good sources of inspiration," Glenn says, "You should see the passion fired up in Ash when Spencer's around. Ouch."

I can only guess that Spencer kicked him under the table. I love her.

"She's going to let me be the first to read the first draft," Spencer tells them.

"What's your novel about?" Paula asks.

"It's about a young girls journey into forgiveness."

"That's original," Glenn mutters. "Ouch! Spencer will you stop that!"

"What's going on?" Arthur asks.

"She keeps kicking me."

"He keeps being an ass."

"Spencer, language," Paula warns.

"Sorry, Mom."

"I'm sure glad you kids could make it for dinner," Arthur says smiling at them, "I only wish your brother where here."

Brother? There's a third one? Why didn't I know there was a third one? It seems like that's something that should have come up at some point in the past month. I wonder why Spencer didn't tell me she had another brother.

"I miss him." Spencer says with a distance in her voice.

"Who wants dessert?" Glenn ask in a not so subtle change of topic.

"None for me," Paula says.

"Don't tell me you're trying to watch your figure," Glenn says, "you look more stunning every time I see you."

She laughs and says, "Save it for the girlfriend."

"Oh we broke up hey and so did Spencer and the bitch. Ouch!"

It was me that time.

"Spencer!"

"I didn't kick him that time!"

"No," Arthur says, "why didn't you tell us you two broke up."

"Meh, it only just happened."

"Yeah, last weekend," Glenn says. "Ouch!"

"Spencer, honey are you okay?" Paula asks.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I broke up with her."

"Oh honey, that doesn't mean you're not in pain," Arthur says.

"I'm fine, Dad, really. It's something I should have done six months ago."

"Is Ashley your new girlfriend?"

I choke on the water I was drinking. Glenn slaps me on the back a few times, but that doesn't help. It just hurts my back, so I slap his hand away. "Not helping!" I cough a few more times before getting my breath back.

"No," Spencer says, "we're just friends."

And there goes my stomach. I mean I know it's true, and we should rush, she's recently single, I'm still in the recovery phase of breaking up myself. It would be nice though. Taking her on dates and buying flowers for her and watching her ride would just be amazing. Renting a helicopter and flying her to dinner in the city would be the most romantic date. And walking with her, holding her hand through the fields and down to the pond in the starlight would just be magical.

"Ash, you're doing it again," Spencer says looking rather cross with me.

"What? Oh, sorry," What am I doing again? And why is she frowning at me? I do not like that face. It's not a nice face. It's not a happy face. It's not an 'I want to make out with you later' face.

"Ash!"

"Sorry," seriously what am I doing?

"No dessert for me either Glenn," Spencer starts, "I actually need to get going, I have to be up early in the morning to get the McAllister horses ready to go for that rodeo."

"Oh yeah," he says, "I forgot that was this weekend."

"Do you have to go with them?" I ask.

"No, I just have to get them in the trailers and ready for Mr. McAllister."

"Do you guys mind if Ashley and I leave early? I promise I'll spend the whole day with you two tomorrow."

Awe man, if she's with them all day she won't be with me.

"Ash!"

"Yes?"

"Let's go."

Why is Spencer so mad at me? I didn't do anything. That's a first too, usually I deserve someone being mad at me.

"Okay," I say and hug Paula and Arthur goodbye, "thanks for letting me drop in on dinner. Hope to see you guys soon."

"Night girls," Glenn calls with a slightly sexy voice.

I roll my eyes and turn to say something to Spencer but she's half way out the restaurant. When I catch up to her I say, "what' wrong?"

"Not now," she shoots at me.

"Spencer—"

"Wait until we're in the truck."

Oh my gosh I hope I didn't offend any of her family or anything like that. Please for the love of all that is good let me not have screwed this up already. She unlocks the door for me and walks right around to the other side. That's weird she usually opens it for me. What is going on?

We pull out of the lot and are heading home at a normal pace, which is a bit unnerving. Spencer typically has two gears, go and faster. I wish I knew what it was I did so I could apologize for it, and then never do it again. I just can't take her not looking at me or smiling at me and the idea that I've done something to upset her is almost more than I can bare.

"Ashley!"

"What? Ouch," I say rubbing the back of my head. She stares at me, "um, Spence, watch the road. Spence seriously watch where you're going."

"Why don't you ever tell me what you're thinking?"

"What?"

"You go off in to space all the time. You just stop talking and you sit there thinking. And I want to know what you're thinking. Just let me in. Let me into that pretty little head of yours."

She's mad at me for not talking? That's a new one.

"See! There you go again. Just open up your mouth and speak. It's not that hard Ash. I wouldn't be so wound up about it but it's all the time. All the time! You did it for about ten minutes at dinner. And that forty minute shower? And in the truck! I just want to know what you're thinking. I just want you to talk to me."

Wow she's beautiful when she's mad. I didn't realize how much I've been daydreaming. I guess I can't really help it she is drop dead gorgeous.

"Woah!" I say grabbing the door handle as we make a sudden stop. "What are you doing?"

"We're not driving another mile until you tell me what's going on."

"Nothing's going on."

"I can't believe that you're this quiet all the time. Aiden says you never shut up when you're together, why wont you just talk to me."

"I like listening to you."

"I like listening to you!"

Wow she's really pissed off about this. Why is she so pissed off? It doesn't seem like something to make this big of a deal out of.

"Ashley!"

"I think you're amazing and when I'm around you my head turns to mush and I daydream about how much I like you. And I get sad when I know I won't see you, and I daydream about how much I'm going to miss you. And where I want to take you on dates and how I just want to make you feel so much like a lady that you won't be able to stand it. I want to make you feel as beautiful as you are. I want to make you sweat I want to sit with you for hours and watch the stars. I want to let you teach me how to ride a horse! But mostly I want you to be my girlfriend."

Holy. Crap.

Oh, Shit.

This is not good.

Oh fuck.

See this is why I think instead of talk when I'm around her. Around her there is only word vomit.

Word.

Vomit.

Lots and lots of word vomit and there are not enough grains of sand in the sea to burry my head under and hide from this. Nope Pandora has let lose those evil evil things and what could have been a slowly building beautiful relationship is going to sink like the Bismark.

"Ash," she says barely audible.

Oh see! See I told you! Ugh, ruined, everything, everything ruined. Me and my big fat stupid mouth!

"You're doing it again."

"Huh?"

"You're thinking instead of talking."

"Oh," what the hell am I supposed to do? I just let something like that slip in the least romantic way possible and she's just stuck on "you're doing it again." What am I supposed to say? It's her turn to say! I mean to talk! Gah, now I can't even think straight!

Spencer starts the truck again and we're off back to our sleepy little village. Are you kidding me? I say all that and she just starts the truck and drives home. Without saying anything back? I mean seriously! How do you do that? How do you hear someone say they want to date you and then just flat out ignore it by driving back home? I mean really.

"You're doing it again."

"Spencer what the hell, I said all of that and you just _drive _back home like I asked you how the pie was!"

She giggles. Now I'm getting furious. What the hell was this an ambush?

"Maybe," she says, "you can tell me that again when you're not so upset at me for pushing you to talk to me."

And another thing…wait, what? "Really?"

"If you want to, that is."

"Spencer,"

"Yes?"

"Would you like to go out with me on Saturday night?"

"I would love that."


	13. Chapter 13

_Sorry you guys didnt like Spencer in the last chapter. Maybe I wrote it a lil wrong, she was pointing out how often Ashley has done that the entire time they've known each other. not just since the kiss. my bad lol. thanks for commenting though and letting me know what you think, means a lot_

* * *

><p>So here I sit facing my arch nemesis, also known as, Mac. And there blinks that cursor at me. I've been here trying to write for about three hours now and I've not really been successful. The problem now is that I've gotten internet set up and I tend to go off and google search things that don't really matter. And google search things that are pertinent to a successful date with wild phillies named Spencer Carlin. So far I've eliminated three date options and written three pages. (All of which I'm sure I'll have to rewrite later.)<p>

I have, however, discovered a love of my life that I never knew existed. The thing that makes this process so much easier. It makes the process delightful and keeps me going. What is that you asked? I'm not sure if I want to tell you. It's mine. It belongs to me. It fills me with joy and never ending happiness. Why should I share it with you?

Okay, I'm feeling generous. It's the double space option.

That's right you heard me. Double spacing makes me feel so much more productive than I've actually been. It makes my heart sing and fills me with hope of brighter tomorrows (and less words to be written.)

Before I found this beautiful gem, I would sit here for an hour and write my heart out, produce a thousand words and look and have two measly pages. Two pages! But when I discovered that things could—should—nay! Must be double spaced, that tedious work turned in to four pages! Four glorious pages!

My heart sings. I could run on the wings of eagles. Fly in the clouds! Hallelujah an hours work amounts to four pages and I feel like I could just keep writing. My hope is no longer deferred and the end of this book suddenly seems like a possibility!

Just as I am floating in euphoria at the progress I'm making I remember, I have a date with Spencer tonight. I'm back on google in a heartbeat, manuscript abandoned. I have to make this the best date this girl has ever been on in her life. I just haven't got the first clue of what to do. I mean I know what I would do if we were in the city. I just don't know if she'd be up for that kinda thing. She seems like a pretty simple girl, I don't want to do something too extravagant and turn her off. I also don't want to underplay it and come off like a prude.

This is my Catch-22.

"Pack my box with five liquor jugs. Pack my box with liquor jugs. Pack my box with five liquor jugs."

"Woof."

"I can't help it boy, I'm nervous. I'm so nervous I can't be still."

"Woof, woof."

"I know but this is Spencer! What if I don't do the right thing? What if I start to day dream?"

"What if she walks in on you rambling to a dog?"

"Aiden!" I gasp. "What is wrong with you people? Don't you ever knock!"

"The door was wide open, City Slicker."

"What are you doing here?"

"Brought your weekly groceries over and man am I glad I did. You pacing around like a nervous school girl talking to Peppy is the funniest thing I've seen all Spring."

"Shut it."

"Seriously, Ash, a video of this would go viral in thirty minutes! I bet I could make a killing if I sold this story to one of those magazines. Rock Royalty Goes Gaga over Country Cutie."

"Oh and look, he learned to alliterate."

"You can make fun all you want, I will not stop teasing you for this one!"

"Since you're here, make yourself useful and help me think of where to take Spencer tonight."

"Putting up your groceries isn't useful? And why do you need help?"

"It is useful, but be even more useful. This is very important, it's our first date and I want it to be perfect."

"Date?"

"Yes."

"You and Spencer are going on a date?"

"Yes."

"Yeah, I totally saw that coming. Bet that's why she finally broke up with Maria."

"What? It is not my fault that she and Maria broke up."

"No you're right it's not. Those two should have called it quits 8 months ago. Neither of them ever had the balls to cut the chord though. Until you came along."

"What? I did not break them up! I didn't even tell her I liked her until last night!"

"Actions speak louder than words baby."

"Ew, do not call me baby. Ever, ever again."

He laughs and follows me out to the front porch, "so why do you need help playing a date. Surely some one as…experienced as you doesn't need help planning a romantic evening with a hot young blonde. Ouch! Why'd you hit me?"

"It was a reflex, sorry," I apologize, but I don't really mean it. "I need help because I've never dated someone like Spencer before."

"What do you mean someone like Spencer? She's a girl….you've dated girls right?"

"Don't be an ass Aiden. I mean a down to earth not impressed by money kinda of girl."

"You mean a Country Mouse."

"That's not what I said! But yeah….that's exactly what I meant."

"Don't treat her any different just because she's not from L.A., Ash."

"But what if I do too much? She won't think I'm a rich snob will she? But then what if I don't do enough and she thinks I'm a miser."

"Ashley, holy wow, what's happened to you?"

"What?"

"Do you always go this crazy when you're dating?"

"I'm not being crazy I just want every thing to be perfect"

"Just be yourself, calm down, be open and honest with her. Be yourself. Talk!" He gives me a knowing look.

"Are you kidding me?"

"We're best friends, Ash of course she told me. It's really making her crazy. She's not used to people around her keeping quiet."

"I can't help it, she makes me speechless."

"Yeah, she told me," he grins.

I'm going to have to do something about this. I can't have him knowing things about us just so he can come around later and tease me endlessly about them.

"Listen, Ash, anything you do with her that's real and honest, she's gonna love. So just calm down and sort it out. I gotta go, loads more delivers. Later"

"Bye Aiden," I call, and that was absolutely useless. And he calls himself her best friend. He couldn't even give me a hint of what to do with her. This is going to be a disaster! I have to knock her socks off. This is not an option, it must happen.

Oh I'm going to screw this up. Oh my gosh I'm going to screw this up. Oh crap! I can't screw this up. Spencer is just so amazing, I can't ruin it all before it gets started.

"Ash!"

I scream, "Aiden! I thought you left."

"You forgot to pay me."

"Oh, yeah."

"Wow you have got it bad!"

"Yeah, I know," I say as I pull out a the money for this weeks groceries. "You can't just give me some tips? Just one small clue? Anything that she loves, besides horses?"

"No," he says taking my cash and heading for the door. "If I told you, you wouldn't have anything to talk to her about."

"Woof."

"Traitor," I say, "you're forgetting who fills your food bowl and gives you pats. Don't run off and side with him. Peppy just woofs and nips at my feet as we go back into the house. If I could just think of something right now. Anything remotely amazing and perfect and….Thats it! I've got it. Oh! Why didn't I think of this before!

"Come on, Peppy, let's get to work!"

"Woof."

This is going to be epic.


	14. Chapter 14

I think I have everything. I think everything is in place. I think everything is going to go off tonight with out a hitch. I think this is going to be perfect. I think all is safe and will be until I get Spencer there. I think nothing is going to get in the way of this being the most perfectly sublime night. And the best date Spencer has ever been on to boot.

I hope.

Maybe?

Yeah, no it will be. Postive thinking. Lots and lots of positive thinking. Heaps of it. Tons even. This is going to be brilliant. Nothing is going to ruin this.

"Ashley."

I scream. I wish people would stop barging in on me! "What? I turn around. My heart drops.

What, the, fuck.

"What the fuck?" She says pointedly.

"I should be asking you that question!"

"Why are you still up in this dusty old place? You've been up here for two months, it's time for you to come home."

"And what would I come home to Red?"

She smiles, "me of course."

"No," I say flatly.

"Oh come on, Ash. You always come back to me."

"Not this time, Red."

"Oh you will, once you've gotten this whole rustic thing out of your system, you'll be begging me to take you back."

"Never."

"You always say that, but you always come home to me."

"I have someone else to come home to," I say without thinking. "Some where else."

"You have got to be kidding me," she spat, "some little country bumpkin has taken you?"

"She is not a country bumpkin and no, she hasn't."

"Oh shit, the wild stallion herself has been tamed by a country mouse!"

Hey! No one gets to call her that except me! "You don't know anything you pathetic excuse for a human being! Get the hell out!"

"Don't you dare talk to me like that!"

"Don't you dare think for a second you can just waltz in and out of my life as you please. Or that I would want to come back to you. After all the hell you put me through. All the 'I loves you's' that you never actually meant. All the times you said one thing and did the exact opposite. Don't you think I know I'm better than that!"

"Ashley, come on, calm down."

"No you come on, Vivian. I'm not wasting any more of my life on you. You and all of your lies! I don't miss you. I don't even think I ever loved you and if you don't stop dropping in on me, I'll have a restraining order put on you so fast you won't even know what the latest fashion is."

"You'll regret this," she says.

"I already do. I already regret you. Get out of my life."

She storms off. I hear her back out on the gravel followed by the screech of tires.

"What are you an idiot? Learn to drive!" Oh shit, it's Spencer. "For fucks sake, what are you doing here again?"

I race out to find her already pulling a gun on Vivian. Why do they always have to carry a gun?

"Ashley, tell this bitch to get out of my way."

"Spencer, put the gun down."

"You're taking her side?" Spencer asks.

"No, I just don't want you in jail for our date tonight!"

Vivian laughs shrilly, "this is your someone else?"

"Get the hell out of here Vivian or I'll turn the gun on you myself!" I grab the gun from Spencer. Mostly just to get it away from Spencer, but Vivian doesn't need to know that. She jumps back in her car and drives away. Yeah that's right drive away! Go back to where you belong, dirty rat. Leave me alone and never come back. Yeah that's what I thought.

"Ashley," she is less than amused.

"Huh?"

"Let me have my gun back."

I point it at her, "it's just water right?"

Nearly tackling me to the ground she says, "nope, that's the real deal!

Screaming I throw the gun as far away from me as I can. "Why the hell did you pull out a real gun!"

Spencer, who is laughing really hard, much harder than she should be, I think I should be upset about this, says, "foxes tried to get the chickens this morning. We've been trying to hunt them down."

"So you thought you'd just wave it in Vivian's face!"

Spencer smiles. A really big smile. Why the hell is she smiling? I'm pissed off over here.

"What the hell are you smiling at?" I asked angrily.

"You called her Vivian."

"That's her name!" Boy am I pissed off.

"Forget about it," she says still smiling, "I just came over to see if we're still on for our date tonight?"

My heart is beating so hard I'm sure even Mrs. Darcy can hear it. I can't believe Spencer just did that. Holy crap am I dating a maniac?

Wait a minute, we're not dating. We are going on a date. That's a horse of a different color.

"Ashley!"

"NO!" I should, perhaps a little too angrily, "You do not get to be mad at me for thinking after you pull an actual gun on Vivian then let me point it at her! And then you! NO! I get to have a minute of freaking out here without getting into trouble for being scared witless!"

She chuckles.

I mean seriously!

A chuckle.

I just pointed a gun in her face and she chuckles!

"It wasn't loaded," she finally says.

I think I could kill her.

"I was just on my way to buy more ammo when I thought I'd stop over and make sure you hadn't chickened out on our date."

"NO!" perhaps still a little angry, "I haven't. I'll pick you up at seven."

"WELL, OK," she matches my tone, but she's not angry. She just kisses me, gets in the truck and drives away.

"What, the, hell?"

"Woof."

"Well," I say bending down to pat him. "At least someone agrees with me."

"Woof."

"Hey Paisley! Pepper! How are you doing this afternoon?"

"Ashley," I sigh.

"No," she calls back, "I've not had acne since I was, well I guess your age."

"Well, great," I say rolling my eyes, "I'll have something to look forward too."

"It's so nice to see you and Spencer together. You're much nicer than Maria."

"Well, I'm glad you think that."

"No, I don't have a cat."

"Bye Mrs. Darcy," I call walking back to the house.

"Come by for dinner some time Paisley."

"Okay," I say.

One thing I will say for this place, it definitely keeps me on my toes. The music industry has nothing on this place. I think I like it too. Wow did I really just think that? I have to get out of here soon, before I never leave. Maybe that wouldn't be so bad though, I could easily build in a studio to this place.

Wait a minute, what am I saying?

My phone goes off, it's a text from Spencer, "She thinks I'm cute when I'm flustered, Peps."

"Woof."

My phone goes off, is she calling me now too? "Hello?"

"Hey it's Aiden. You just got a delivery here at the shop," he says impressed.

"Awesome!" This is going to be epic, "Don't tell any one it's for me I'll be there in an hour to pick it up."

"Ash, seriously this thing is sexy as hell. You've been holding out on me."

"Aiden, it only just got here how could I have been holding out on you?"

"That's exactly how. You've only just sent it up here."

"Do not touch it," I say.

"Oh come on, Ash."

"No."

"Please."

"If you value your existence you will stay away. Far, far, far away."

"Okay fine, but you owe me."

"Why? Why would I owe you anything?"

"You owe me for my self control."

"I do not. Your self control is keeping all of your members in place."

"Oh come on Ash please?"

"Maybe next week, but Aiden if you put one finger on it I will cut it off and feed it to Spencer's horses."

"Okay, okay I won't touch it."

"Good. I'll see you soon."

I hang up the phone and run back to the bedroom, to shower and get ready for the big date. I have managed to let the afternoon slip and only have an hour and a half to get dressed and get all the finer details together. That won't be too hard though I just have to burn the cd and print off the first draft, wrap it, make sure the cookies are cool enough to box up, feed Peppy, put him out in the back yard, send the first draft off to Marissa, take a shower, get dressed, go buy some flowers, get everything in order for the evening, go to Aiden's, make sure his death is not in order, then go pick up Spencer.

I may have over extended myself.

Crap.

I take a big say and say to Peppy, "feels like old times."

He cocks his head at me.

That's right these are new times for him. "New times indeed, Pepster."


	15. Chapter 15

I pull up to Spencer's house at around 6:58. Hey I'm not late. It's not my fault anyway. I couldn't find a place that sold white lilies. I had to go two towns away and pluck some out of a pond.

Oh the things you do for love.

Love?

Is this love?

Fascination, maybe.

Extreme like, definitely.

Love, who knows? It could be love. I mean I really do love spending time with her. She just has this way of making time move so slowly even though it's racing past me faster than I can reach out and grab it.

Pulling myself out of my Spencer dreaming I ring the bell and wait, patiently (sort of) for her to open the door. I check my tie and make sure its hanging evenly and looking sexy. I check my hair in the door window. It's looking sexy. Check my teeth, nothing in them. Shit, my breath. I blow into my hand and take a big sniff. Shit, the door.

"Hi," I say handing her the flowers. "You look amazing."

"Thanks," she says with an uncharacteristic blush.

"I got these for you," I smile.

"Ash, they're amazing. How did you know these are my favorite."

"I have my ways," I smile offering my arm.

She smiles taking it, "and you'll tell me what they are before the night is over."

"Well, aren't you sure of yourself."

"You got to be sure of something."

I smile and walk back down the porch.

"You are kidding me!" She squeals, "Ashley!"

"You like it?"

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"I just had it sent up today."

"Ashley! Don't tell me you just bought this thing."

"No," I say climbing on my Harley, "I just had it shipped up here today though."

"You had it brought up here for me."

My turn to blush, "yeah."

"You're amazing," she says kissing me.

"We haven't even started and I'm already getting kisses?" I can get used to this.

"Don't get too cocky," she smiles.

"Hold on tight cutie," I say as I peal out of the drive. It takes us about fifteen minutes, it would have only been ten but I was driving extra slowly. I didn't want Spencer to get scared or fall off or anything. I don't think I could bare it if she got hurt. Well, that and it was really just an amazing feeling having her hands wrapped around my waist. I wanted to make it last for as long as possible.

"You are such a wimp." She says when I shut off the engine.

"What are you talking about?"

"You drive so slowly."

"Well excuse me, but I wanted to make sure we got here in one piece."

"Liar."

"What?"

"When you lie your brow wrinkles a little."

"It does not."

"Does so," she teases, giving me a kiss, "so what's the truth huh? Spill it."

"I like your arms wrapped around me." I'm so glad it's dark. There's no way she can see how red I am right now.

She grins and kisses me, "I like having my arms wrapped around you. So, what are doing out in the middle of the woods?"

"Having a date."

"In the woods?"

"Yes, come on," I say as I grab the things I stored in the saddle bags. I nearly stop dead at the pout I'm getting. Oh shit, am I doing it again? Am I thinking way too much? "What?"

"You're not going to hold my hand?"

How freaking adorable is that? I didn't know she had such a sweet side to her.

"I want to," I say, "but I don't have any free hands."

"Let me help?"

I rearrange my things and take her hand, "it's okay. I've got it." I don't, I just want this to be perfect. I want her to feel like a lady. I want her to be doted on all night. I want her to stop squeezing my hand. "Ouch Spence,"

"Just wanted to remind you I'm standing here."

"How could I forget?"

"Your daydreams are really good, from what I've heard."

"I wasn't daydreaming. I was making sure I came the right way. Don't want to get lost."

"Liar,"

"There's no way you can see my forehead right now."

"Your hands started sweating."

First my dog now my body.

"Just tell me what you're thinking, Ash."

"I was thinking that I'm glad it's not very far."

"Why don't you just let me carry some of it?"

"Because, we're here." I take a deep breath waiting for her reaction.

"Oh, my, goodness," she gushes, "Ashley this is amazing!" She gives me a deep, passionate kiss before running into the opening.

Butterflies dance in my stomach. She is so beautiful. Lying on a large blanket in the clearing is a homemade picnic. I'm not completely useless in the kitchen. Two candles that I walk over to light and a telescope.

"I thought we could try to find something in the universe more beautiful than you are."

"Awe, Ash," she blushes. "You did all this for me?"

"Nothing's too much for you, Spence."

"How did I get so lucky?"

I didnt know she could blush this much.

I help her settle on to the blanket, light the candles and unpack diner.

"Flowers, motorcycles and a late night picnic, you really went all out."

"You deserve it. And much more," I say filling up our glasses with wine.

"Peanut butter and jelly!" She exclaims, "my favorite!"

I just smile.

"And ants on a log! Ash! How did you know?"

"Can't tell you that."

"What? Would you have to kill me after?"

"Nope no killing. If you were dead I would have any one to dote on."

"Ash," she gushes. I can tell she loves it. "This must have taken you all day."

"Not really," I say, "finding a good enough telescope was the only difficult thing."

"And getting your bike up here wasn't?"

"Oh, that was the easiest part," I say giving her some mash potatoes. I don't even bother apologizing that they're cold. I have it on good authority she likes them that way.

"Mm," she moans, "these potatoes are so good!"

See.

"I have one more thing for you," I say.

"What could possibly be better than this?" She asks, "Oh my gloves thank you! I've been wondering what I did with those."

I laugh awkwardly, "Yeah I've been meaning to give those back to you for a couple of months now. Sorry."

"It's okay, I lose my gloves all the time."

I pull out the manuscript and hand it to her.

"Ash you didn't have to get me a present."

"Well open it up before you get mad at me."

"Ash," she says a smile filling up her face, "you finished it? It's really done?"

"I really finished it, it's really done. And this is the first printed copy of it. I wanted to give it to you so you could read it."

"Ash you are amazing," she says leaning over to kiss me.

I kiss her back softly at first, gently, not wanting to give her the wrong impression. I didn't bring her up here just to get in her pants. I brought her up here to get into her heart. And I think she will let me. Oh yes, she will let me.

"You are the best thing that's ever happened to me," she says bashfully. "I'm so glad you came here. I'm so glad I met you. I'm so glad we're dating. I'm so glad you wrote a book."

Wait, where dating?

But I don't have time to follow up on that train of thought, two soft lips crash in to mine and two slender hands run through my hair, one long leg strattles me and one georgous body pushes me gently onto the blanket.

"Spence," I say.

She kisses the side of my lips and asks, "Hm?"

"You don't have to-"

"Want to," she murmurs.

"But its our first date," why the hell am I protesting.

"I don't want that," she says, "yet." She deepens our kiss and I wrap my arms around her waist. Not sure what she means by 'yet' but if we stay like this much longer, I wont be able to control myself.

"You are so amazing," she says between kisses.

I just kiss her back because, well, wouldn't you?

I can feel passion radiating off her, it's scorching into me. _That _is gonna happen _yet_ whether _yet _is now or not. I feel like I might exlpode. My breath is deep and my hands are all over her back. I just get my hand on the hook of her bra when, she slides slowly off to the side of me and lays her head on my shoulder.

I groan.

She giggles, "I'm sorry, I couldn't control myself. I didn't mean to get you that worked up."

"Woman, you are going to kill me."

"I didn't mean to. I've just been wanting to do that for a really long time."

"What else do you want to do?"

"What else did you plan?"

"Seriously?"

"What'd you mean seriously?"

"You get me all steamed up and then expect me to carry on with the date as planned."

"I was hoping," she admitted.

I let out a big sigh, "you have no idea what that just did to me."

"Oh I think I do,"

"Do you now?"

"Yeah, I did it to myself too."

"Don't you want to?"

With a throaty moan that nearly kills me she says, "oh yes."

"Then-"

"Middle of the woods on our _first date_, remember?"

"I remember," I say slightly pouty.

"I kinda want a second date," she says slightly girlie.

"Why wouldn't there be one?"

"Dunno," she says sounding more insecure than I thought possible for her.

"Spence?"

"I really like you Ash. Really, really like you. I don't want to give you any reason not to talk to me tomorrow."

Okay, who the hell is this girl? Cause this is not the Spencer I fell for. "Spence,"

"Can we just, enjoy our date-without-that?"

"With or without that I always enjoy time with you Spence."

She smiles that earth shaking smile. "I love spending time with you too. You make me, so happy. Happier than I've ever been."

"But you dont want that."

"Not tonight," she mumbles embarressed, "first date."

"Even after-"

"Especially after."

"What?"

"Didn't you feel it?" She's speaking barely above a whisper but I catch every word. "My heart beating out of my chest? That, electricity? I've never felt something that intense. I've never been apart of something this; huge. It's bigger than this night. Bigger than this whole universe."

I look up at the sky and I know exactly what she means. I don't know why she's afraid of it. But I know exactly what she is talking about. "I felt it too."

"So," she starts sounding almost afraid of her own words, "I think, it deserves more."

"More than what?"

"Sex for the sake of it on the top of a mountain in the middle of summer."

"That sounds hot."

"But it's more than hot," she whispers, "for me."

"What is it for you?"

"Scarry, exciting, new amazing, petrifying-"

"Woah wait, petrifying?"

"No ones ever made me feel the way you do, Ashley."

"Not even-"

"I turn into a 12 year old boy when you're around. Pulling your pigtails and picking fights with the other boys."

"You mean pulling a gun?"

"Exactly," she laughs, "I never did anything like that, until I met you."

Not sure how I feel about that.

"I just want to protect you," she continues, "and hold you and keep every bad thing away from you and I want to make you smile and make cheese fries at two am, watch you run when mice get into the cabin, help you tie your tie and laugh so hard when you tell jokes, and cry when you leave me and hold my breath until you come back and teach you to ride horses without being so afraid and lay for hours with you learning every line on your hand and sitting in the hot tub and I want to take you to pick apples even though I know you don't like them cause you will for me cause you know I love them and I want to protect you from the bad guys in scary movies and have you protect me from lightneing storms and fall asleep to the sound of your breathing and wake up three times a night because you've rolled on top of me and I want to listen to the click click sound of you typing pack my box with five dozen liquor jugs and smile at how adorable you are when you're frustrated at how hard it is to be creative and I want to go with you when you go into your mind and I want to see all the beauitful colours of your imagination and hear the melodys yet to be sung that you've stored somewhere in there and I want to know you want me and not hope you do and I want to watch crappy reality television with you and make you watch sappy romantic comedys with me and have our first fight so we can make up for the first time and-"

I kiss her. Our lips can run on way better than her sentece.

"Let's start with tonight," I say when I finally break contact.

She lays in my arm looking intently for a long time. She smiles at me and we do. We start. We start asking all the questions we hadn't dared before, counting the stars and getting to know each other. Ocassionally kissing, but they were always chaste.

I'm not entirely sure how long we have been out here. Honestly, I don't care. I just care that she has her hand in mind. That she's laughed all night. That she knows most of the constellations by name. I care that her favorite TV show was American Dreams. I care that she tried to single handedly launch a campaign to save it from being taken off the air. I care that she always wanted Meg and Sam to get together. It doesn't bother me one bit that I don't even know who Meg and Sam are. I just care that her fingers are laced with mine. I care that she always hated having to go back east in the summers and that Christmas is her least favorite holiday. I care that she hates it because there were always too many people around. I care that she wants me to be apart of her next Christmas. I love that its six months away and she's already talking about me being apart of it. I love that she hates N*Sync and BSB. I love that she says her heart will always be with Leif Garret. I can't even believe she knows who he is, but I love it.

I love that she's just talked for hours and let me listen I love that she asks me questions and laughs at my answers. I love how she demands details and hates vagueness. Her nose crunches up when she's grumpy and it's just so damn cute that I can't help but want to kiss her.

"Ash?"

"Yeah?"

"What're you thinking about?"

"That I want to kiss you."

"So kiss me."

You don't have to tell me twice.

I roll over on to her and give her a soft simple kiss.

She looks up at me and smiles.

I look down at her and smile.

There is a lot of smiling going on.

"Do you usually just stare at your dates?" She asks.

"They're not usually as beautiful as you," yes that's right the old Davies charm is coming back.

"Ash," she blushes.

"There's no denying the truth."

"Thank you, so much for tonight."

"It was my pleasure," I say cuddling up on her chest.

"I haven't felt like this in a long time."

"Like what?" I ask.

"A lady, loved, appreciated, seen."

"Well you are more than a lady and loved and appreciated. And even though the clouds have started rolling in I can totally see you." And I never want to stop seeing her. I want to see her every day. Twice a day. No three times. No all day. As much of the day as she will let me see her I want to see her. I want to take her all the places she's never been and help her realize all of her dreams. I want this, this deep long kiss she's pulling me into.

I never want it to stop.

Ever.

It's simple and easy and there's not a lot of work. There are fights and discussions and growth that need to happen, on both our parts. It's just not a battle. It's not a constant attempt to make her happy and prove to her I want to be around. With Spencer she just accepts my love. She doesn't demand my presence, but simply enjoys it. Sure she gets up me when I'm here but not here, but I can't really be faulted for that, she's so amazing I can't keep my head on straight.

I don't know where we are going or what's going to happen. How fast or slow it will be. I don't know anything except this: the process of falling in love is a lot like the process of writing a book. It will make you want to claw your eyes out, it might not look good, or feel good but the only way to know if it is good is to give it a try.

I want to try.

I would rather fail than to never try to have her hand in mine. There are few good fruits on the friendship shoot, but I've never trusted someone like I trust Spencer. Time just moves so slowly when she's not around, so I'm willing to throw it all to the wind and actually settle down. To actually enjoy the process.

The process of falling in love.

[sic]

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><p>and that dear readers is the end of my ff writing. thanks for sticking it to the end and feeding it back to me ;-) meant a lot to me. and even if you didnt comment, for whatever reason, thanks for reading. i enjoy writing and im glad you enjoyed it enough to make it to here.<p>

r/s


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